Caroline Dorning - Adventures In Missions - Impacting The Nations For His Glory

Farewell For Now

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

^"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."-John 15:16

This blog has been a long time coming. Honestly, I wanted to write it sooner but really haven't known what to write. How do I sum up these last two years in one blog? I have no idea how to express everything that I have experienced or all of the amazing things that God has taught me. The best I can do is just to say that these last two years have been the hardest and most stretching years of my life. They have also been two of the best years of my life. I can say without hesitation that I am a different person than I was when I started this journey. I feel like I have experienced so many things that I cannot even begin to put into words. I have seen heartache and acts of kindness. I have seen discouragement and victory. I have seen people come alive for the first time in their entire lives, and I have seen God show up in times where there seemed to be no redemption. I have seen His faithfulness when I wondered if He was even still there. I have heard people who speak all different languages sing at the top of their lungs praises to the King as if we were already in Heaven viewing His beautiful face. I have seen kids with no parents smile with the joy of just being alive, and I have realized that the simple things in life really are the things of value. I have sat in dirt with orphans, in hospitals with the forgotten and spent evenings pouring into the next generation of young people who are going to change this world for His glory. And the beautiful part about all of this is that all of these things had absolutely nothing to do with me...nothing at all. The fact that God chose me and allowed me to be a part of any of these things in more of a blessing than I can even truly understand. I have been eternally impacted and for that I will be forever grateful.

Through this time God has taught me so much about myself. He has shown me who I am in Him. No one can ever take that away. He has shown me there is truly more to this life than we can see, and if we are living for anything else we will just be disappointed. He has to be everything. He has brought me to points where I came to the end of myself and all I had was Him. There were times where I didn't think it could get worse, and it did...and He was faithful. He gave me strength I didn't know I could have. He showed me what true beauty is and it is found in the eyes of those that everyone else has forgotten. It is found in the places where no one wants to go and in the people that no one else wants to love. He has shown me my passion and the reason I was put on this earth. My passion is ministry. My passion is to pour everything I have into young woman...to teach them what it means to be true women of God...to show them there is more to this life than what we see and there worth is not found in what people say but rather in what the King of all Kings says. I love it. I love every bit of it. I love crying with them. I love seeing their victories. I love laughing with them. I love walking out life with them...the good and the bad. I just love them...all of it. I will never be the same. I have found my passion, and I don't believe I will ever be satisfied doing less than that.

I have seen more death than ever in my entire life. I have seen more hurt than ever before. I have seen suffering and desperation. But I have also seen victories. I have seen laughter through the pain and joy through the sorrow. I have seen people love without need of return. I have seen selflessness. I have seen Jesus on earth through the hands of His Beloved. And most of all, I have seen faith when there seemed like there was nothing to have faith in. All the people that have shown me these things have inspired me, and I can never be the same. I shouldn't be. I can't and I don't want to.

I am now back in Alabama. As I write this, I realize that I don't fit in this world anymore. I am back at the University of Alabama pursuing a Master's degree in Counseling. I have felt the Lord's leading that this is the next step to take in my long-term service of Him. I pursued it, and He provided as only He could. As I sit here though, a few months into this new transition, I realize that I no longer can blend in no matter how much I try. I am not the same person that I was when I was here for undergrad. I am completely different because of all of the things I have mentioned above, and even if I wanted to fit in...I couldn't. You can't experience all of those things and be the same person. You can't carry a larger cross and then ask for the smaller one back. It doesn't work that way. He has made me for more, whether I want to or not I can not back down from that. He has set me apart for His glory.

I would be lying if I didn't say this transition has been hard. Going from community and full-time ministry to a place where I know few people and study all the time is extremely hard. But I trust through it all that God is in control. He is the same God that showed up when I had nothing left to give after all the hardships in Swaziland, and I am trusting He will be faithful once again. I don't know what He has for my future, but I know this passion He has given me for people and ministry will be a part of it. People have asked me if I will ever do missions again and my response to that is: There is no way I can not do missions. As Christians, we are all called to do missions whether in the US or abroad. It is a passion and a calling and Lord willing I will have future opportunities to serve Him in that capacity. People also ask me whether or not I will return to Africa. My answer is the same: I can't imagine not going back...it is my heart. I wouldn't know what to do if I never got to go back. So, I pray that God will give me that opportunity again in His timing. In the meantime, the faces of the people I have met there are burned upon my mind and my heart, and I will continue to keep in touch with them as much as I can.

I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to follow my journey and support me monetarily, in prayer and in encouragement. I cannot express how vital that has been to me, and how God has used all of you in my life. I also want to say to the special people I have met at training camps and to my Swazi teams how much I love each of you. You have each individually changed my life, and I can never express how much I love you. I have learned through my teams what it means to truly love with every ounce of my heart and for that I am truly grateful. Please continue to pray for me as I seek the Lord through this tough transition of going back to school and in my future ministry. I trust God has great plans for me and as I walk this out I know I am going to see His glory in new ways. Thank you, I love you all and we will be seeing you soon! God Bless!

For His Glory,

Caroline Dorning

Ps. 56:3

**I put together a video of some of my favorite pictures over the last 2 years and some of the amazing people that have impacted my life. Enjoy!

An Action-Packed Summer

Tue, 7 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations."- Matthew 12:18

It has been almost 2 months since I have been back in the US, and I can't believe how fast time has gone. It is weird because 2 months in Swaziland seemed to go by so slowly. Now that I'm back in the fast-paced life of the US, it is as if I can't get time to stop. I have spent the last 2 months resting, adjusting and helping my dear friends, Connie and Don Rock with training camps. This summer has consisted of a Real Life training camp (college-age 1-2 month trips) and 2 Ambassador training camps (high school-age 2-week and 1-month trips). I had the pleasure of working on the serve team for these camps. It was definitely different being behind the scenes instead of leading one of the teams, but it was an honor to be able to help wherever needed. The serve team for the Ambassador camps was able to build a community where we prayed together every day and made fun out of washing dishes, sweeping floors and running team builder activities. I also served as the camp photographer which allowed me to do something I love: take pictures! It was a blessing to build new friendships during this time, as well as reconnect with old ones. I think the best way to give you a glimpse into my last 2 months is to show you the videos our AIM team put together for the Ambassador camps. I hope you enjoy!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

When A Team Becomes A Family

Sun, 31 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it."- 1 Corinthians 12:26-27

After four months of living in Swaziland, Africa I am now back in America. The transition after a mission trip, especially after being gone for that long is always really hard. A lot of things have been going through my mind over the past week, but the main thing on my mind pretty much 24 hours a day is my team. We were involved in many different ministries while in Swazi, but my main time was spent with my team.

When I first came on this trip I already knew the members of my team because I met them last semester during the time I spent in Jefferys Bay. I got to know a couple of them pretty well, and I really liked the group as a whole. My affection for them was the main reason I decided to go back to Swaziland, but I had no idea how God was going to use them in my life. This team is nothing short of amazing. I have always heard soldiers say that once you have gone through war together, nothing can separate the bond they have together. Well, I'm here to tell you that this team has gone through war together. We have been through hurt, disappointments, robberies, illness, broken relationships, loss of teammates, deaths of loved ones and the list could go on. If I took the time to truly list out everything this team has gone though in the last 4 months, your jaw would drop and you wouldn't even know what to say. But, I'm not going to list everything out because I don't want to focus on the tuff things...I want to focus on what God did through them. This team didn't just survive through these trials, they came out stronger. In my entire life, I have never seen God redeem like He has in the past 4 months. He has taken ashes and made them beautiful. He has taken people who didn't know if they could make it through and made them weapons for Him. Satan threw punch after punch and this team didn't stay down. This is a team of fighters. This is a team that didn't just take every punch on the chin, but instead they went to the Lord and allowed Him to be their strength. I have honestly never seen a team go through this much and actually leave stronger and closer to the Lord. I have never been prouder of a group than I am of this one.

"All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized byone Spirit into one body-whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free-and we were all given the one Spirit to drink."- 1 Corinthians 12:11-13

It is clear that God hand-picked each person specifically to be on this team. We all are very different in yet got along in a way that only God could create. Davie makes me laugh. He hides behind his tough male exterior but inside he is someone who has learned how to love. Blair is the studier. He is one that digs in and spends as much time in the Word as he possibly can. Ryan is the calm one. He is the comforter and protector and has become a man in love with the Lord. Alyssa is strong. She loves people and is a servant in ministry. Gail is a voice of reason. She is the young one with wisdom beyond her years. Jillian is the tiny one in size. She is also the one with one of the biggest hearts for people that I have ever seen. She gives everything she has. Mary is the rock. No matter what happens she goes to the Lord for her strength. She is also the encourager and knows exactly what people need when they need it. Alene is the picture of kindness. She has a light about her that is evident and makes everyone around her smile. Layne is our resident movie expert. She knows how to relate to people. She may be hard-core on the outside, but her inside is kind and beautiful. Sarah Taylor is our trickster and the one we can always look to for a laugh. She is also a person full of compassion and love for those most people don't even recognize. Sarah Keppinger is one of the sweetest girls you will meet. She has innocence about her but is never one to be underestimated. She is led by the Spirit more than she even knows. Jess is a fighter. She has found a new faith that she never knew she could have and isn't willing to settle for less than that any longer in her life. Loretta is the mature one of the group. She is the sound mind that everyone listens to and she is obedient to the Lord no matter what. Tyler is the sarcastic one. He makes everyone think and dig deeper. Melissa is the goofy one. She is awkward and fun and always can make you smile. Issy is the servant. She is always willing to help without complaining and has an amazing joy about her. Matt is crazy in a good way. He is ok with being his own person and makes everyone around him enjoy life a little bit more. I could go on and on but there are really no words to describe each person on this team. I have seen each person grow into the man and woman of God they were meant to be and the best part is that they aren't done growing yet. They aren't satisfied with where they are at...they want more. They want more of God and they want more out of this life. They are not satisfied with mediocre Christianity. They are going home as new people and that is only by the grace of God.

I have always heard about community and at certain times in my life I thought I understood what that meant, but I have never known community like I have the last 4 months. We have fought for one another. We have prayed diligently for one another. We have cried with each other, laughed with each other and sometimes sat quietly together just "being." We have been through hell and back and we love each other more than we could have ever expected to or asked for. Saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest things to do. I have a glimpse of what parents must feel like when they send their kids off to college or see them get married. I feel like I have given them everything I have to give and to see them all walk away with a piece of my heart was painful. I wouldn't have it any other way though. If I have learned anything on this trip it is that life is short and we may not have tomorrow. I have learned to love wholly and lay it all out there because you may not have another chance. Live with no regrets. This team went from being a team to being my family. I love each of them intensely and would do anything for them. I hope that we will not be a team that just "talks the talk" but instead follows through. I hope we will be at each other's weddings. I hope that we will have reunions and be there in the good and the bad...the way true community is supposed to be. I don't believe that ends with distance, and I hope this team defies the penalty of time. If any team is going to last...it is this one.

Thank you for following this journey God has taken me on over the last four months. A new journey now begins...

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Buttons Made With Love

Sat, 2 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."-Psalm 17:7-8

For the last 4 months I have been spending my Wednesday mornings at the youth center here in Manzini. Myself and 2 of the girls on my team work with 8 women who spend their days at the youth center making clay jewelry. Businesses purchase the products in mass amounts and the women are paid for their work. Along with getting paid, they are also learning a valuable craft which they can use to make money for their family outside of this job. We have fallen in love with these women and my heart has truly been broken for them. They are all different ages and have different personalities but they have taken us in as their own. We laugh as we sit and make buttons with them and learn about their lives.

Over the past couple of months God has really been bringing to my awareness all that women go through here. The culture is so different than in non-third world countries. Women here are not treated with respect at all. They are treated as less than men and have no voice of their own. The men here beat the women on a regular basis. It is more abnormal for a man not to beat his wife that vise versa. The women here have very few ways to make money on their own so they depend on the men to provide for their family. Because the women are dependant on the men, the men therefore think that they can make the women do whatever they want. You are considered as less of a man if you treat a woman with respect.

Last month a woman from England came in to speak to the women about women's rights. This in itself is a whole new concept for most of the women here. They have been raised to think they have no rights. The topic of the day was violence against women. The speaker asked the women to name some of the ways men can show violence towards women. As I sat there listening to the women talk my heart started to ache. The first thing that came up was marital rape. The women here don't feel like they have the choice to say no and therefore are physically forced many times against their will. They are beat many times for no reason. One woman that we are very close to said her husband used to beat her before he left her and she didn't seem to think anything was wrong with it. Another lady said that her husband took the scarf off of her head one day and tied it around her neck and tried to strangle her. My heart started to break. The speaker asked if the women had been told that they were rubbish and worthless by their man and they all said yes. She asked if anyone's man was not faithful to them and their response was that it was impossible to find a faithful man here. Their husbands would marry them and then within 5 years would have another younger and prettier wife. Some even said that the man would bring their new girlfriend over to the house and use the girlfriend to disrespect his wife in front of her. My heart broke a little more. The speaker asked if there were any places the women could go for help and they said that the few women who have had the courage to ask for help have only ended up with worse consequences. Their husbands just beat them more. By this time they have 5-10 children and are scared to leave because they will have no way to support the kids. Then I thought about the beautiful children of this country. They have some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen and to think that the children have to witness all of this just killed me and my heart broke even more. I looked at the gorgeous women sitting around the table that have been abused and told they are trash and my heart screamed for them. Even more than hurt I started to get angry. I want to fight for them. I want them to know that they are not worthless and they do have a voice. I want them to know love how God intended it and how they are being treated is not ok.

This past Wednesday was our last day with these women. We brought cookies shaped like buttons and other snacks and had a really sweet time of showing them how much we love them. I can't believe I have spent 4 months with them. In a way it feels like a flash of light. I can't believe it is already gone. I will never forget these women. They mean so much to me and I truly love them.

It is hard to change a culture. It seems so simple to us because we aren't fighting against a cultural norm that says all of this is acceptable and even condoned. It is going to have to start with the children and teaching men that being strong isn't about showing power over their wives. It's about showing strength through love. I don't know how long it will take but that is my prayer for this country. I want to see the men here step up and treat women with respect. I want the women to know that they deserve to have a love like God intended which is pure and kind. I want the children to know that a family should be a dad and mother who love each other and where physical violence isn't an option. I want the people of this country to experience what true romance is which can only be found with God. I pray that in the last 4 months, the women here have gotten a glimpse of what it means to respect themselves and not have to settle for less than the best. I'm thankful for every day I have been able to spend with them. I have been truly blessed.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

A Kenyan From Alabama

Wed, 1 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."- Philippians 1:3-4

Five years ago I set out on a journey to a place that ended up changing my life. This place is Kenya. I went in 2004 and 2005 for short-term mission projects. In the process I fell in love with the country and its people. Even more than that, God used those trips to break my heart for the nations and ended up being instrumental in sending me into full-time mission work.

After the second trip, the main thing I remember thinking was that I couldn't just go back to "normal" life. I couldn't act like everything and everyone I had just seen didn't exist once I was back in America. I like to say that it "ruined" me in the best way, and I haven't been the same since. Ever since my trip in 2005, I have been begging the Lord to provide a way for me to go back. For the past 4 years I have been writing many of the people that I met on my first two trips, and there is not a day that I haven't thought of them. Well, 2 weeks ago God finally answered my prayer.

The week of March 14th my entire team was off for spring break. When I found out we were able to get a week break, the first thing I thought about was Kenya. I knew it was an expensive ticket though and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go. Well, God provided and worked everything out perfectly and I boarded a plane to Nairobi last Saturday. I was so busy the week prior I didn't have time to really process the whole thing. It was as if it was a dream and wasn't really happening. I had wanted to go back for so long that I had no idea how I was going to react when I finally got there. When I landed in Nairobi it instantly felt like home. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I knew this was the place I had once left my heart.

I ended up missing my flight the next day because it left early (apparently that can happen in Africa) so I just took the day to rest which was a blessing. Then on Monday I caught a flight north to Kitale to spend the rest of my time with the people I love so very much at Legacy School. The school had 400 students the first time I went there and now has over 900 from K-4 through 8^th grade. Many of the people there remembered me and it was wonderful getting to see some of the children that I have been writing to all of this time. I just felt so blessed to be there and truly as if I was at home. I spent every day sitting in classes with the students, playing games with them after school and I even got to go on a field trip with one of the 2^nd grade classes. I also was invited to the house of one of the students I have been writing over the years. She was very vague in what we would be doing, but I thought it would be an adventure if nothing else. She said we would be taking a taxi to her house because it was too far to walk. I soon found out that "taxi" in Kenya doesn't mean a yellow car but instead means a bike with a little seat over the back wheel. Imagine me sitting on the back of a bike while wearing a skirt and carrying a bag trying to hold on for dear life as the man cycled us up the hill and over potholes. Needless to say it was pretty funny. We ended up having lunch with her family and it allowed me to see a glimpse of where she comes from.

By the end of the week I had once again become attached to so many of the students and the staff. Leaving was torturous and heartbreaking. We took lots of pictures and exchanged addresses. I thought I was holding it together pretty well until I saw some of the people I was closest to and it finally hit me that I was leaving. The tears started to flow as all the students stood there looking at me. Leaving a place and people that I love so much never gets easier; it only gets harder. I started thinking why I was reacting so strongly. The last two times I left I was sad but not like this. And then I realized that I was coming this time as a different person. I had come as a person who finally knew how to really love people and let them in; to love people enough that I have given my life to it. I had come as someone broken before the Lord and perfectly content in that. It wasn't the same this time because I'm not the same. These people are my family and leaving them is like ripping out a piece of my heart. I am blessed to know the people in Kitale, Kenya and to have them in my life and for that the pain is worth it. I will continue to keep in touch and love them from across the ocean. And I will keep praying that in the near future God will allow me to visit them once again.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

When Satan Follows

Thu, 5 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."-I Peter 5: 8-9

A couple of weeks ago we went to the Mbabane Public Hospital to spend the day blessing the patients there. It was the first time I had been back there since July. Before we walked in I asked the Lord to break my heart for these people and give me the strength to get through it. As I walked through the front doors everything started to look familiar. Something in me started recalling all that I had seen there this past summer and I froze. Tears started welling up in my eyes. As the rest of the team walked in with purpose I just stood their trying to figure out what to do. Finally I just pulled myself towards the children's ward and thought I would start there. I stood outside the rooms staring in the windows praying for what the Lord wanted me to do. I just felt so out of place and uncomfortable. I remembered the small boy I had seen in July that was abandoned and body was swollen from malnourishment. He wasn't there. I started to wonder if he had survived or not. I stood there trying to figure out what to do. I decided to head to the women's ward. As I walked in I remembered the women I had prayed for and the attack I felt as I almost passed out on the floor. It was so surreal. I started praying that God would help me and show me what He wanted me to do there.

As I walked through the women's ward looking at the skinny women who were lying sick in the hospital beds, this one woman saw me and her face lit up with a huge smile as if we were long lost friends. I went up to her and started talking to her. She was recovering from a stroke. I talked to her for a while and prayed for her. I was encouraged after speaking to her and all of a sudden my heart was at peace with being there. I prayed for another lady in the ward and then felt led to head back to the children's ward. As I looked through the windows my heart broke for these kids. They all seemed so helpless and many were on their death beds. I saw this one little girl whose head was enlarged and wrapped in bandages. I walked into see her and met her grandmother who was sitting with her. The grandmother spoke fairly good English and explained to me that the child had huge warts on her head that were causing her head to swell. She had them removed and some sort of tube was put in from her head down through her chest to help with the fluid. She went on to tell me that the child's mother had abandoned her when she saw that the child was born with this disorder and she never knew the father. The grandmother took her and her brother in and now is taking care of 10 kids alone. We talked for a while and I found out she was a Jehovah Witness. We spoke some about what she believed compared it to the truths of the Bible. She asked me to come back the next week when she could be more prepared. At the time we had no transportation because our van was broke. I told her I would try but knew the possibility was slim since I would have no way to get there. I prayed for her and her granddaughter and told her goodbye.

As I walked out of the hospital I was so convicted for this woman and the opportunity that the Lord had set before me. The next week came and I still had no transportation. I decided to take one of my team members with me and we headed back to Mbabane on public transportation. I was praying that the woman would still be there. We got to the hospital and sure enough she was still there. The bandage had been removed from her granddaughter's head and they were leaving the next day to go home. She smiled in shock as I walked in. She said that she didn't think I would come back. It hurt me to hear that because so many times it is easy to forget the people we meet. I told her that I was thankful I was able to and I wanted to speak to her more about heaven and the Bible. I sat with her on the floor next to her granddaughter's bed. We sat and talked for about an hour. She had great questions and was a woman who truly just wanted to know and understand the truth. You could see the hunger in her to know more. By the end of our conversation she said that she wanted me to write down all of the verses that I had read so she could go and study them and truly understand. I was excited because God just spoke His words through me when I didn't always know what to say. As I sat there on the floor with her I started taking it all in. I looked around at the paint coming off the walls, the dirty counters and the small roaches that crawled all around us. All I kept getting was that this was what it was all about. This is where Jesus would be. Normally roaches bother me and I really dislike insects but for that hour it really didn't bother me. God gave me the strength I needed. I left the verses with her as well as a prayer of salvation for her when she was ready. She asked me to leave my phone number so she could call me with questions. I was excited at the prospect of hearing from her again. We prayed and I left to head back to Manzini. I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness.

As I got off the bus we were walking through the traffic headed towards home and all of a sudden I feel this man grab me and start hanging on my back. I could tell he was ripping open my backpack. I turned and grabbed his arm and yelled at him to stop. I looked in his hand and didn't see anything so I let him go. He looked me dead in the eye and walked off. It gave me chills all over my body. I then turned to look in my bag and realized that he had stolen my phone. I tried to go after him but he had already disappeared into the crowd. I just stood there not knowing what to do and then it hit me that he had just taken the number that I had given this woman that I had spent the whole morning witnessing to. She now had no way to contact me. Not only did I feel violated but my heart was broken that I had no way to contact her. The rest of the day was pretty hard. I kept going through my mind of how I could have changed the situation or gotten my phone back. Thinking back through I realized how much worse it could have been because my wallet and ipod were right under my phone. If I wouldn't have grabbed his arm he probably would have gotten those as well. He also could have hurt me worse. It was blatantly clear to me that Satan had used that man that day. It was as if I had seen Satan in the flesh. Satan's biggest fear is that more people will come to know Christ. Because of this, he is going to do anything he can to stop it. I have to trust that God is bigger than all of that and that His word does not return void. I know God is going to use the verses that were shared to speak truth into her life and hopefully she will come to know Him as her Savior.

Through this entire thing God has shown me how important it is to know and share His Word. I want people to know that they can have hope. This world is not all that there is. God has more waiting for those who accept Him and give their lives to Him. When I was younger I always used to think that if I gave my life to God that I wouldn't have fun anymore and life would be boring and torturous. What I now realize is that true freedom in this life can't come until we give our lives to Him. That is what we were created for so until we hand the reigns of our life over to Him, we will always be living a life that is not completely full.

God is working here in Swaziland. Thank you all for your prayers. I feel prayers more tangibly here than ever in my entire life. God has healed the fungus on my hand and my tooth is getting better. God is stretching me every day, but I know it is for His greater plan so I will keep fighting the fight. Keep the prayers coming. Love to you all from the Kingdom of Swazi.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Does 28 Mean Death Or Life For You?

Wed, 4 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."-James 1:27

This Saturday I turn 28 years old. I know I say this every year, but I just can't believe it. I used to think that was old and now I realize that I still feel like I am 21. In America there is nothing really abnormal about turning 28. You get the occasional jokes about how old you're getting because you are only 2 years away from turning 30, but other than that there is nothing all that special about it. Well, in Swaziland it is a different story. Here in Swaziland, the average life span is 28.1. This basically means that if you make it to the age of 28 you are one of the lucky ones. Many will never see this age. To them 28 is like 100 years old to us. It is a hope, not a certainty.

A little over a week ago we were able to visit an area here in Swaziland called Nsoko. This is an area where you can find some of the poorest people in the country. Many children can go days without food and if they are able to get food it is only through the local care points where they will find it. Many are dying of AIDS and don't know what a real family unit looks like. Many of the young girls will sell their bodies just to be able to eat for a meal. The people here, as in most of Swaziland, are desperate and will do desperate things to survive. I think of the wonderful childhood that I experienced and how none of these kids will ever have that or anything close. It absolutely breaks me heart. I want more for them and I don't even know them.

The population of Swaziland has decreased dramatically in the past year. This means that more people have to be dying than being born. If you come here, the fact that more people are dying than being born is almost unbelievable because there are children everywhere you look. I have never seen so many children. So, just imagine how many people must be dying. A local Pastor told us that he has to find other people who can conduct funerals for him because there are just too many people dying and he can't do all the funerals himself. AIDS is killing this country and they don't even know it. When the younger generation is told this horrifying fact, they think it is a joke. They can't understand how sex is killing them. A large cause of the disbelief is because the King of this monarchy continues to marry wife after wife. He is their example and it is only time before his lifestyle will kill him as well. It is a social and cultural problem that must be stopped otherwise the whole country will be gone in our lifetime.

The hand I hold in this picture is the hand of a child suffering from AIDS. Last Friday we went to build a fence and garden for a lovely woman named Make (Mother) Peggy. She is a single woman who takes in children that have been abandoned or orphaned by their parents and are knocking on death's doorstep. She has 10 children who live with her currently. Make Peggy is a retired teacher so she barely brings in any money herself. With the money she does have she provides clothes, food and shelter for these orphans. I was sitting with her helping create profiles for each child in hope that people will choose a child to support. As I was listening to each child's story, all I kept hearing was how each child has was abandoned and left for dead by their parents or that their parents were dead (most likely from AIDS or other health issues). Then one story really struck me. This beautiful little boy walked in the room looking a little shy and confused at who the white people were. Make Peggy called him over, told us his name and said that he had AIDS. Im not sure what happened, but I just started crying. I had to hold the tears back because I didn't want him to feel bad. I think the reality of it just finally hit me. We know the stats. We know that many children we see here have lost their innocence to rape, have AIDS or have seen their family members die already in their lifetime, but I guess hearing his story just finally made it real to me. His parents are both dead and he has most likely had AIDS since he was born. He never had a chance, and the odds of him living to be my age is slim to none. Every time I look at him my heart breaks. It just doesn't seem fair. He did nothing to deserve it in yet it is most likely what will take his life.

Where do we find the hope in these stories? Honestly, it is hard to many times. But, I feel like there can be hope. My team wants to see change here in Swaziland. They are not ok to sit back and watch this country waste away. The guys on our team have been handed over the rights to a boys high school here in Manzini where they can teach about God and pretty much do whatever they want to. God has opened to doors wide open for them. The opportunity is amazing and the possibilities are endless. Change starts with this generation. Not just to teach them purity, but to teach them self-respect and what it means to truly have Christ change their lives from the inside out. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this team to change lives and even a country.

In the meantime, we will love them. We will love the children who have no parents, who have become numb to the sting of death and we will be Christ's touch to them. We will hold the hand of the AIDS stricken orphan whose only prayer is to be healthy again. We will show them that they are worth it and they have not been forgotten. All I know is that I will never take for granted the little things ever again. I pray that God uses us in big ways over the next 3 months and that I never take for granted each year that I get older because for most here in Swaziland it is their last.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.- Romans 5:3-4

Hello to all from Swaziland. I have wanted to write a blog since I got here, but honestly I haven't known what to write. I have only been here for 2 weeks in yet it feels like so much longer. It was great being reunited with the team and seeing all that God has been doing in their lives. When I arrived we were able to put together a ministry schedule for the team to give them some consistency for each day. Everyone is really excited to be here and I can see God giving them a heart for the Kingdom of Swaziland as they jump into their individual ministries.

Personally, I have had a lot of challenges since arriving here. Within the first couple of days, I somehow got a poison/fungus type rash on my hand. Some people think it is from picking some mangos in our yard and others just don't know what it is, but either way it has been a challenge. I am highly allergic to poison ivy or anything related to that so needless to say I have been extremely nervous about having this on my hand. I went to the pharmacy and got some mysterious pills and ointment for it. I thought it was getting better but it looks like it may be spreading to my arm. It is painful and making it hard to move my fingers. The heat here probably isn't helping. It has been getting up way past 100 degrees and feels like you are living in a sauna 24 hours a day. Every day that it is overcast is a complete blessing. I'm doing my best to put mind of matter and not let it bother me but the fear of the rash getting worse is very real. Also, my tooth is still hurting after getting a root canal before I came on this trip. I'm praying for healing because the dentists here aren't exactly where one wants to go if they don't have to.

More than the physical, God has really been using circumstances here to stretch me in ways I have never known. He is stretching me to the point where there is pain. I can recognize some as attacks from the enemy, but others I can see clearly as God testing me and breaking me. That is really all I know at this point. I don't know why He is allowing some things to happen or why He is allowing me to be so uncomfortable, but I believe that in time I will see the reasons behind it. I relate it to growing pains. The more you grow the more it hurts but there is a reason for it and it is very necessary to live a full life. A dear friend told me a few months ago that as he was praying for me God told Him that He was going to stretch me like never before. Well, that has become a reality and I'm doing my best to hold strong.

On another note, it has been such a blessing to see friends again that I made this past summer. I have been able to spend some time with Musa and Xolani (our translators from this past July) and they have kept me smiling. I feel like they are my brothers and it is hard to stay discouraged when I see them. We also had the opportunity to return to the Abandoned Children's Shelter (which is one of my favorite places in Swaziland). We spent a day there last Friday loving on the kids and one of the house mothers remembered me. It was great to see her smile and get to laugh and talk with her again. My heart longs to continue to build relationships here. On Wednesdays I plan to go with some of the girls to the youth center where they have a program to teach crafts to Swazi women. They make jewelry and buttons out of clay as well as weaving purses. They get paid for their work, while getting to learn a skill to use in the future. There is a woman named Christina there that I have started to get to know. She is 28 and has 2 children the oldest of which is 13 years old. She lives with her 3 sisters and 1 brother. She has such a sweet smile and joy for life. It has been encouraging to just sit and talk with her and learn about her life.

Swaziland is a hard place to live out every day life. You see hurt and brokenness everywhere you go, but I can see hope in the people here. It is my prayer that the people here will not just know of who God is, but will start to have an active relationship with Him. My team's heart is to see this upcoming generation take a stand and stop the cycle of AIDS that is killing this country.

I really appreciate everyone's prayers. I truly believe your prayers are getting me through this time. I would appreciate your prayers for healing for my rash and tooth and that God would keep me healthy so I can best serve Him. Please also pray that God will allow relationships to be built with the people here and that He would be glorified in those relationships. Please keep the encouragement coming...you all are a blessing to me!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Swazi Bound

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it safe to Johannesburg, South Africa yesterday and I am about to drive 5 hours to Swaziland. I'm so sorry for those of you I wasn't able to speak to while I was home. I can hardly remember the last 2 weeks they went by so fast. Hopefully once I get settled I will be able to write more. Here is my address where I can receive mail in case anyone would like to write me. Please pray that I wouldn't have any health problems and for safety. I love and miss you all!

Here is my address in Swazi:

Julie Anderson
Attn: Caroline Dorning
PO Box 5526
Mbabane, Swaziland
Africa

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Breaking My Will

Sun, 4 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word."- Psalm 119:35-37

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it has been so long since my last blog. Time has completely run away without me recently. I look back and I can't believe I was in J-Bay for 6 weeks. Once I finally got oriented and on a schedule the time just flew by. Jeffreys Bay was amazing. Honestly, I wasn't ready to come home. It is so gorgeous there and an enjoyable place to live. It was a blessing to see the relationships I was able to build in the communities we visited and with members of the team. It is neat when you get to the place where people in the community know your name and look forward to seeing you every day. Every Monday I would drive a group to Port Elizabeth to visit the Algoa Center for those suffering from cerebral palsy (as mentioned in the previous blog). I only was able to go a couple of times, but the people there left a lasting impact on me and taught me how much I tend to take for granted. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I would help the J-Bay staff run errands and whatever else was needed around town. On Thursdays I would drive one team to Humansdorp to work at a daycare run by a sweet lady named Virginia. I would then drop another team off in St. Francis to visit different families in that area. I usually spent most of my time with the team in St. Francis but also enjoyed the time I spent at Virginia's. On Friday I would spend the day with the team in St. Francis. Although driving on the opposite side of the road was somewhat daunting at first, I actually ended up enjoying it and was blessed to be able to help the team in that way. It was great ministering to the people in all of these cities and building relationships with the team members in the process.

The team of 50 is now breaking up into 3 different groups. From January to May, there will be a group in J-Bay, Port Elizabeth and Swaziland. I found out right before I left for J-Bay in November that they wanted me to lead the group going to Swaziland in January. Honestly, I didn't really want to go. The idea of being gone to a place as hard as Swaziland for 5 months was not something that I really wanted to do. I told them I would pray about it and knew the decision was too big to not cover it in prayer. So, throughout my whole time in J-Bay I prayed and thought about whether or not I should lead this trip. I struggled to find an answer and peace from the Lord. I just didn't know what to do because if I decided to go to Swazi I would be giving up so many things at home that were important to me such as missing two of my best friend's weddings. Selfishly, I didn't want to do it. It would be giving up too much. Part of me felt like I was supposed to go, but I fought it tooth and nail because I didn't want to be away for that long. It is abnormal to know going into a situation that it is going to be really hard and saying "Sign me up!" The fear of being lonely, being away from my dog for so long, being forgotten by those at home, having life pass me by and missing so many things that are dear to my heart were just too much for me. I didn't want to do it. But, I felt my heart continually being pulled that this was what I was supposed to do. I started getting to know the people who are on the Swazi team and could see that I fit on that team very easily. They are amazing and some of the girls I got the closest to during this time are on the Swazi team. I have been friends with the male leader of the team, Matt since this summer and his desire to have me lead with him was such an encouragement. It actually became somewhat humorous because literally a day did not go by that I wasn't asked if I was going with them to Swazi. The team rallied around me and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Still, I struggled with giving up so many things to do this.

Then, when I was in St. Francis one day for ministry something changed for me. To give a little back story, when I was in Swazi this past summer one day in church our translator, Musa decided he would nickname me "Carrots" in front of the entire church and somehow the name stuck. My whole team started calling me "Mama Carrots" and still does to this day. I never really understood where the name came from since I don't have red hair, but it always gave everyone a good laugh so I didn't mind. Well, fast forward to the ministry in St. Francis. I had been struggling with this decision and begging God to speak to me and show me what to do. We were visiting some people in the community and as usual a ton of kids ran up to the van as soon as we got there. We played a little bit and then one child asked me what my name was. I said "Caroline" and he looked me dead in the eye and said "Carrots!" My jaw dropped to the ground. One of the girls on the team knew the story and died out laughing. We couldn't believe it. I just stood there looking stunned. That's when something changed. I can't even explain it, but it was like I was reminded of what it is all about. It isn't about me or what I want. It is what God wants me to do. It was as if God used that child to speak to me and remind me of the heart he has given me. It of course became the topic of many conversations when we got back to J-Bay.

To make the decision harder, a couple of days later I found out that I would have the opportunity to lead a trip to Kenya in the summer if I wanted. I was completely torn. I have been trying to get back to Kenya for 3 years and I finally had my chance. What on earth was I supposed to do? How much was I really supposed to give up? In the weeks to follow all I could hear God saying is that I had to stop being so selfish. If I give Him my life and say I will do whatever He wants for my life, than I don't get to pick and choose only the ministries that fit into my agenda. I had to hand it over and if that meant going into a hard situation to serve Him than that is what I was going to have to do. I couldn't hold on to anything. It keeps going back to the question: "Is He really worth it?" Is He worth giving up my comfort? Is He worth giving up the people and things that are most important to me in this life? Is He worth giving up my deepest wants and desires? Honestly, I struggled with these questions and still do. I think we would all want to say "yes" but if we are honest I don't know that we could always say "yes." After praying and spending so much time with the team, I realized that I just needed to get over my selfishness and go to Swazi. Now that I am home I am still having a hard time letting go, but I am going to do it anyway. I have to believe that the blessings will outweigh the sacrifices. I'm taking one of the hardest leaps of faith I have ever taken but I'm not turning back. I will be discipling 6 girls on the team, and I pray that God will use me in their lives. I know I will have my moments on this trip where I will want to quit and go home, but I pray in these times that God will meet me where I am and show His faithfulness in a big way. I honestly have no idea what God has in store, but I know it must be something great. I will be heading back to Georgia in the next couple of days, packing up my house and then heading to Swazi the week of Jan. 12. When I book my plane ticket I will let everyone know the exact date and the address where I will be staying. I hope everyone reading this is greatly blessed in 2009 and I am thankful for having each one of you walking through this journey with me. You are a blessing!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Being Thankful For The Little Things

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."- Matthew 5:6

It has almost been two weeks since I got to J-Bay, and I can't believe how fast time has gone. As each day comes, I find myself just really thankful to be here. I have seen the blessings in the little things: the penguin that swam up on the beach, the beautiful coast, the few days we have actually had sunshine, finding new seashells and seeing dolphins swimming through the ocean. All of these things and many more just seem to strike me as God whispering to me how much He loves me. They show me a glimpse of the blessings He wants to shower on me.

Last week was a good week. There are some really amazing people here and little by little I'm getting to know them better. I'm finally starting to feel more confident with my driving skills and only had a few times where I had a quick realization that I was on the "American" side of the road. I've been able to do ministry with some of the teams that I drive 3 days a week. One day we did some house visits and played with a lot of gorgeous children. There is nothing like having your hair done (or pulled) and climbed on like a jungle gym. Another day I went with a group to a daycare to help take care of the kids for a few hours and visit with the staff. It was a very small building with about 15 kids and 3 workers. There was also apparently a friendly rat that resides there, but I was trying to pretend he wasn't there. When we walked in everyone went to play with the babies, but I decided to sit and talk with a high school girl that was sitting on the floor watching the kids. I sat with her and started talking to her. At first she was shy and didn't seem like she wanted to talk. I persisted and before the end of the day she was talking the whole time and just opening up about her life. I got to talk to her about her family situation and her church. It was apparently a lot she hadn't shared before so it was exciting for everyone to get to know more about her and how to minister to her in the future.

There is one ministry that I have seen so far that has really impacted me. I can't seem to get it out of my mind. It is called Algoa, and it is a facility that houses people with cerebral palsy. It is situated out away from civilization. The only other thing that is next to it is a camp where people with incurable strings of Tuberculosis go to live. I had no idea what I was about to see. I have always had a hard time working with people with disabilities because my heart just breaks for them, and I never know what I can do to help. So, when they told me this was the ministry for the day I didn't even know what to think. I didn't know how I was going to react or what I was going to do. The group said a lot of people didn't go in with them because it was just too hard, but I knew I couldn't just sit in the car. I knew I had to go in and trust that God would somehow give me strength. As we walked in I soon realized that everyone here does not just have cerebral palsy, but they also have many other mental and physical disorders. When we entered the room the smell was almost unbearable. The people here can't control their bodily functions so they are all wearing diapers and the nurses are not quick to change them when they have accidents. We went to the girls ward first. Many of the girls are very physical because they can't control their body movements. One girl kept grabbing on my arm trying to pull me harshly to the ground. Many of them can't walk so they will drag themselves across the ground with their arms. Some can't even get out of bed because their bodies are so mangled. I have never seen anything like it. I was scared to touch some of them at first because I didn't want to hurt them. But I tried to go up and talk to most of them, rub their arms and just let them know that someone cares. It was really hard for me at first. Seeing their hurting bodies just broke me and many times I had to hold back the tears. We took the girls outside to play which helped them settle down a lot.

After playing with the girls for a while, we headed to the boys rooms. This is where something changed for me. As I was sitting with a boy named Edwin stringing beads, I spotted this little person shuffling his feet and walking around the room. His body was about the size of a 5-year old, but his face looked like a little old man's face. He was literally the cutest things I had ever seen. His name is Ricardo and he is 28 years old. He has scars on his head from where other patients used to beat him. His compulsion is that he walks constantly. The only time he stops is when he sleeps. He wasn't interested in us at all. He was more concerned with his walking path. It became my mission for the day to get his attention. Every time he would walk in my direction I would shoot him a huge smile. I got a little grin the first time and every time he came by me his grin got a little bigger. With each circle around the room, he would get almost close enough for me to touch and then at the last minute he would flash a grin at me and turn really quickly as if we were playing a fun game. It put a huge smile on my face. We did this for a while and then he tried to go in the next room but he tripped and fell. The nurses didn't want him in the other room for some reason so they dragged him back. He started crying. I walked over to him and put my arm around him. I couldn't believe he was letting me touch him. I sat there for a minute or so and then he went and fell asleep on the ground. Right then and there I wanted to take him home with me. There is something just so beautiful about him. I can't even place what it is, but he has completely stolen my heart. As I was standing there looking around the room seeing the blind, crippled and outcast, I got this image of Jesus sitting next to these people teaching and spending time with them. I realized that these are the people that God loves so much: the ones that no one else wants. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, and I know I will never be the same because of it.

I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving! I miss everyone back home very much. May we all know how blessed we truly are!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

48 Hours Later...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."- Philippians 1:6

After a very long journey, I finally arrived in Jeffreys Bay this past Tuesday. God definitely has been teaching me a lot about patience. My flight left Atlanta on Sunday and was delayed in the air on the way to New York. We landed late which left me only about 20 minutes to make it to my flight connection. Of course my gate was the farthest possible gate, so I put on my 30 pound backpack and ran through most of the JFK airport. I got to my flight just as they were boarding. I boarded the plane just in time to sit on the runway for 3 hours for a mechanical problem. As you can imagine, hearing the pilot say that a "very important" piece of the plane is broken and needs to be replaced is not exactly what you want to hear before taking a long flight. Once they replaced the part we took off and flew 8 hours to Dakar, Senegal. We sat on the runway for an hour in Dakar to refuel and have a security check. We then took off and flew another 7 hours to Cape Town, South Africa. Due to the delay in New York, I missed my connecting flight to Port Elizabeth, and there were no other flights leaving that night. So, myself and 9 other stranded people stayed the night at a hotel in Cape Town and woke up early to fly out the next morning. When we got to the airport the people working for South African airlines could not find our reservations. So, after many hoops to jump through they finally gave me a ticket, and I boarded my plane to Port Elizabeth. After a short flight I landed and then was driven an hour to Jeffreys Bay. Needless to say by the time I arrived I literally had no idea what day it was, but I was just thankful to be there! Even though it was a long journey, it was exciting to see God work. I met so many neat people along the way, and despite the hardships it turned out to be a blessing in many ways!

I've taken the last few days to recover from the jet-lag and to get to know everyone here. I normally don't have many problems getting over jet-lag, but this time has been especially difficult. I am starting to feel better now and hoping having a normal routine will help. This trip has been challenging already to say the least. It rained from the moment I stepped off the plane until this past Saturday. We didn't just have showers; we had torrential downpours and flooding. Apparently, this never happens in J-Bay, and I am just lucky (ha). The rain was starting to get depressing. Thankfully, I saw my first glimpse of sunshine this weekend, and it was a huge blessing. I have been learning to drive on the "other" side of the road which has been a whole new adventure for me, but I am starting to get more comfortable with it.

I am coming into a group that has already been here for two months and is very close. They have been so gracious to welcome me and make me feel at home, but this past week has still been a little overwhelming for me. I am so used to the Africa I have seen in Kenya and Swaziland. This Africa is so different and in a way I am out of my comfort zone. There are many of the same luxuries that we have in America. The beach is beautiful here and many times I forget that I am in Africa and instead think I am in Florida. Then I am brought back to reality when I see the "street kids" on the beach and outside of the nice restaurants begging for food. Where there is such wealth there is also such poverty. In a way it is as if my senses don't know which way to go or how to feel.

Many things are new to me here and it is going to take me some time to adapt. I have felt attacked by the Enemy in many ways since I arrived here with fear, inadequacy and discomfort. I have made the decision that I will not let these feelings overtake me. I know God has me here for a purpose, and I trust Him to fulfill that purpose. I refuse to let my fears get in the way of that. I am excited to see what God has in store and how He is going to use this time to teach me a new level of dependence on Him. It doesn't mean it won't be hard, but it seems that most good things come through hardships. My heart for my time in Jeffreys Bay is to encourage and bless the staff here. Hopefully the Lord will use me to do that.

Please pray for the following:

Continued good health
Safety as I drive the teams daily and that I will learn directions quickly
Good rest when possible
God would show me new ways to encourage the people around me
That I would be able to see people through God's eyes
Guidance and discernment as I make decisions for next year

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life! I'm sending love all the way from South Africa!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Over The Ocean I Go

Sat, 1 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."- Jeremiah 1:5

In one week I will be boarding a plane and heading back to Africa for the 4^th time. Only this time I will be heading to the coast. I will be serving in Jeffreys Bay (J-Bay), South Africa until Christmas. Currently there are about 50 college age students going through missions training in J-Bay. They have been there since September. My main goal will be to serve the staff there. They are very busy and it is my hope to be able to serve them and help make daily life a little easier. I am also looking forward to getting to know the college students there and having the opportunity to pour into them. I am excited to get to serve, be reunited with friends and get to enjoy the beauty of God's creation in J-Bay.

I have never been to J-Bay, but I am continually told that it is not the Africa I am used to. J-Bay is very modern and in many ways like America. It is a mix of extreme wealth and extreme poverty. J-Bay is a surfing city and vacation destination but also a place where poverty and AIDS runs rampant. I am looking forward to seeing this new side of the continent that I love so much. Africa is my heart, and I am excited to have my feet on African soil once again.

I leave on Nov. 9 and will return Dec. 21. I should have good Internet access while in J-Bay so I plan to update my blog regularly. Thank you so much to everyone who follows this ministry. Please pray for good health and traveling safety while in Africa as South Africa can be very dangerous. Also, please continue to pray for God's guidance and will for my life as I seek to follow Him for my future. Your prayers and comments of encouragement are huge blessings to me. Please keep them coming! Next stop: Jeffreys Bay, South Africa!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Are You Ok With Being Unseen?

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace."- Psalm 37:11

God has been teaching me a lot lately about suffering, meekness and what it truly means to die to self. Do you ever feel unappreciated? Do you ever feel like no one really sees your heart or where you are gifted? Do you ever feel like you are always giving of yourself to others but they never give in return? Do you ever feel unwanted or not accepted? I think a lot of us feel each of these things at one time or another in our lives but no one ever wants to admit it because it makes us look weak. Well, Ill admit it...I have felt all of these things at one time or another and it hurts. There is no way around it. It just hurts. When people don't see us for who we really are or don't appreciate us it make us feel like less of a person and rejected. Satan loves when we feel this way because it allows him the space to come in and tell us that we aren't worth it and that no one loves us. Satan likes to make people feel alone so we become depressed and ineffective for God.

A couple weeks ago I spent my Friday completely with the Lord. I had some quiet time with Him and then I put my iPod on some worship music and went for a walk with my Savior. As I was walking the Lord started giving me these visions of people who were being killed for their faith. I didn't quite understand why I was getting these morbid visions and then the Lord started speaking to me about what it meant to suffer for Him. I realized that suffering can come in many different forms and extremes. He also started speaking to me about meekness. To have meekness means to be humble and selfless. At times that may mean being unseen by others; being forgotten and unappreciated as you serve the Lord. He started impressing upon me what it looked like to really come to an end of my self; to come to a place where all I have left is Him. He was asking me, "If no one else acknowledges you and appreciates you, am I worth it? Can you be ok if I am the only one who loves you and sees all you do? Am I enough for you?" Of course the next day at church guess what the pastor preached on? Yes, you are correct...suffering. I kind of laughed to myself and told God that I got the point. The reality is that it is so hard to be selfless sometimes. As humans we want our gifts to be recognized. We want to be seen, appreciated and wanted. We want people to like who we really are and not feel like we have to hide that.

This reminds me of so many of the Psalms where David cries out to the Lord to save Him. He feels alone and persecuted but through it all he eventually chooses to praise the Lord and trust the Lord for justice and redemption. God is continually showing me that my affirmation can not be found in what men have to say, but rather who God says I am. I can't seek my approval from man. I have to serve God in all that I do. If no one ever acknowledges who I am or what I do than that is ok because I shouldn't have been doing it for them in the first place. I have to be a friend to people even when they are not a good friend back to me. I have to minister to others even if no one ever sees where my gifts lie. I have to love people even when they do not love me back. Why?? Because that is what Christ did. Many people view meekness as being timid or weak. It is completely against everything we are taught to be in this world and everything our prideful nature says to do. It is hard to hear, but the truth is this: What right do we really have to be "known" in this world? Is that something that has been promised to us? The bottom line is that God never promised us the right to be seen, but He did promise us that He would always hear our cries.

"I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me."- Psalm 120:1

I can honestly say that I struggle with this daily, but it is in these times that God can teach us the most. Although these truths hurt in the learning process, I am so thankful God allows us to see this part of His character. The more I learn about Him, the closer I get to Him and the more truly alive I become.

God has also been giving me a glimpse into what it feels like to carry other people's burdens and pain. It has been a year since I packed up everything and moved to Gainesville to start working for Adventures in Missions. I came to AIM with a business background and experience but felt that the Lord was calling me to something different. At the time I wasn't really sure what all that meant. I knew I had a heart for people, but I always thought my gifting lied in the business world. I had all the suits, the briefcase, the organizer and the education but for some reason as much as I wanted it to fit my personality it just didn't. I did well at my jobs and enjoyed them at times, but I always felt the Lord pulling my heart to something more. I look back and I realize I am not the same person that I was a year ago. This has been absolutely the hardest year of my life, but it has been one of the best. God has changed me. He has shown me my gifts and He has broken my heart for the things that break His. Last week we had training camp here at the office for about 130 young people heading out to serve around the world. One night at worship I just got overwhelmed. I realized that my heart has been broken for this generation of young people. I can't explain it, but God has just given me a passion to see this generation come alive to what matters in this life and not settle for less than that. I want young women to see that they are beautiful, loved and valued in this world. I want to see guys step up and be the men that God has called them to be. God has broken me so much that I don't think I can ever go back to a job that doesn't work with people in some capacity. To be honest, sometimes I wish I could. In many ways "normal life" would be so much easier, but I don't want to settle for something other than what God has called me to do. I'm realizing more and more that God did not just bring me here to do mission work. It is my prayer that He has used me in the lives of the people I have met this year, but I realize more than anything that He brought me here to change me. He brought me here to break my heart and make me into the woman that He created me to be. I'm not quit there yet, but every hardship, struggle and hurt brings me a step closer to Him if I choose to allow it. What does this next year look like? Honestly, I don't know. But, I do know that I am open to whatever the Lord has for me, and I will sit at His feet and wait until He shows me. His will is perfect, and I can't wait to see all He has in store.

I hope what God has been teaching me can be an encouragement to someone else who needs to know they are loved and not forgotten.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

A Look Inside

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."- James 1:27-28

There is a song written by Brooke Fraser called "Albertine." It is about a trip she took to Africa and a child she met that changed her life forever. Parts of this song say exactly how I feel and how God has used my three trips to Africa to forever affect and change me. Here are a few excerpts from her song:

Now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet

I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word

I put this video together that gives a glimpse of the month my team and I spent in Swaziland, Africa. We had so much fun and fell in love with each other and the people of Swaziland in the process. Enjoy!

The People and Places of Swaziland

Sun, 3 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."- Matthew 5:14-15

As I think over this last month, I realize how many different ministries we were able to be involved in while in Swaziland. We would start out our mornings by walking to the local clinic where we would have a 30 minute devotional for the staff. The clinic is rundown and has very few patients because they have problems keeping the electricity on, but they have a pretty consistent number of workers who come in every morning. We would usually have about 10-15 people there and we would sing songs and then someone on our team would stand and give a word from the Bible. It was obvious they loved having someone new there to share with them. It was a blessing to see a smile on their faces. We also attended the local high school every Friday morning for about an hour to do a drama, sing and give a devotional. It was a great opportunity since the high school seemed a little less open to us being there. It was such an encouragement because by our last Friday the faculty was thanking us for coming and telling us we were welcome to come back anytime because they would miss us greatly. Praise the Lord!

When we first got to Emkhuzweni we spent our first day doing some manual labor on our homestead. A lot of the team weeded the garden and helped plow and dig holes for the crops. I ended up helping a lady who was working with a special type of green leaf that is used to build the immune system specifically for AIDS patients. She was very skinny and her skin had been aged. I thought she was about 40 years old but she turned out to be only 26 and is the mother of one daughter. She has been working on the homestead for a few months. She picks the leaves, presses them down into little pieces and then sifts through them to get the powder. I tried to help her, but let's just say that African women have a lot more upper body strength than most Americans. I don't think I helped as much as she made me feel like I did, but I realized as I sat there talking to her in broken English that I was not there as much to help her with the leaves but rather to just minister to her as a friend. We talked for a while until I had to go. The next Saturday she came and we sat together for a couple hours while she learned how to make a bracelet. I just enjoyed being around her. I would see her in passing almost every day and she would always call me by name and ask how I was doing. She was always there to help us when we needed her and she never asked for anything in return. The day we left we brought some clothes for her and the other ladies that worked on the homestead. She was very grateful and excited. I found out later that day after we had left the homestead for the last time that she is dying of AIDS and the leaves that she works with every day are keeping her alive. I took this pretty hard. As I look back I can see the signs of the disease on her body but you would have never known it by talking to her. My heart is broken for this woman. Even though it wasn't much, I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with her and I trust the Lord to love on her since I can't.

The local primary school was our main ministry while we were in Emkhuzweni. I was excited about the opportunity to teach. Every one either had their own class to teach or helped out in the office. I taught a 3^rd grade math and science class for the Dean of Students. The first day I observed her for half of the morning and then she decided I needed to go ahead and start teaching. I have never really taught a class before, let alone kids who barely speak English. It was definitely out of my comfort zone, but the Lord gave me strength and by the last day I was pretty confident standing up in front of 60 kids. I thought I was just going to be assisting her, but by the 2^nd day into the week she looked me straight in the face, handed me the math book and told me to review it with them the next day. Yes, almost the entire book. She was no where to be found the rest of the week as I reviewed the math, science and religion book. I still look back and laugh because I had no idea what I was doing, but God gave me grace to get through it. One of the highlights was when the kids came up to me to have me check their science papers and I didn't know the answers because many of the answers were not things we have in America and I didn't know what they were. I had to laugh to myself as I didn't know the answers to 3^rd grade science! It was hard at times but an overall great experience and hopefully we were able to give the teachers a little break and allow the kids to have some fun at the same time. It was neat to walk through the community and have kids know our names because we were teaching their classes. I could see how God was taking even the little things and using them to leave a lasting impact.

One of the things that we enjoyed the most was the time we spent at the Abandoned Children's Home in Mbabane. We only were able to go there twice, but it left a permanent impact on every person on my team. The owner of the homestead where we stayed for the month also runs the Children's Home. Mr. Pratt and his wife love these children as their own. There are over 30 kids here most of which are from the ages of 1-8 years old. These kids have all been abandoned by their parents. Most have been put in dumpsters or vacant areas and left to die. They were thrown out like yesterday's trash. Many because their parents brought them into the world with AIDS and they knew they couldn't take care of them or they wouldn't be alive to raise them. These kids would be dead if the Pratt's wouldn't have found them and taken them in. You would never know it by looking at these children. They are absolutely, stunningly beautiful. They are so full of life and there is no way you can not have a permanent smile on your face when you are around them. Even though we didn't know many of their stories, it was really hard for my team and I to comprehend and accept what had happened to these kids. How could someone just throw them away? We just couldn't accept that. As our time ended for the day there was not one person on my team that was ready to leave. I literally had to pull them away and it killed me because I didn't want to leave either. I just wanted to be there with them and love them endlessly. I later found out a few of their stories. One of our favorite little kids we called the "Bubble Blower" because he would confiscate everyone's bubbles and go in a corner and literally blow bubbles for hours. His mom left him in a trash can to die outside of a supermarket in the city. Another girl who is only a few years old and loves playing with stickers had been raped by her father who had AIDS on a daily basis when she was just 18 months old. She was raped to the point that she still bleeds now from the lasting damage that he did to her. She also now has AIDS. It is taught by the witchdoctors in Swaziland that if you have AIDS and you rape a virgin that you will be healed. She was another victim of this horrible lie that has become a cultural truth. Sadly, the stories like this are endless and it isn't just the kids at this home; it is kids in the primary and high school where we taught and the community where we did home visits. It is all over and it is tragic. These kids need people who will love and fight for them and show them the love that only Christ can give to fill the hurt. On our second visit to the home a little girl that played with me on the first trip came up and fell asleep in my arms. There was just such a contentment and trust on her face even though she barely knew me. She trusted me and was content to just let me love on her. Every time I had a child in my arms in Swazi the Lord just spoke over me contentment and gave me a glimpse of His heart. For me this last month was about loving those who have no one to love them. Loving those who don't know how to love and showing them that they are worthy to be loved. I'm thankful for every opportunity the Lord gave me to show His love to those who don't have a mother to tell them that they are loved or have been told that they are not worth loving. God can cover it all with His perfect love and I have seen that firsthand.

Another of my favorite ministries was visiting the local care point in our area. We didn't even know it was there until we started walking through a neighborhood close to our homestead and found a lot of kids playing and waiting to eat. This care point feeds about 80 kids in the area on a daily basis. I loved going there. The go-gos (grandmother figures that run the care point) were so kind and full of life and feed these kids out of the kindness of their hearts. We decided to go one day and clean up their yard and make the care point nicer. We prayed over the area and just spent time loving on the kids and spending time with the people there. I had a little girl who was attached to me the whole day, but I also felt really led to spend time with one of the go-gos that lived there. She knew enough English for us to have a conversation and she was such a joy to be around. I enjoyed sitting with her and showing her that she was appreciated and loved. We traded addresses so hopefully we can stay in touch, and I can send her some of the pictures that I took at the care point since they don't have any. There was also a girl who was 14 years old and most likely didn't have enough money to go to school because she was always there during school hours. She would follow me around a lot and was just content to sit by me even though she didn't speak any English. That was enough for her and I grew to love someone I couldn't even talk to. It is amazing how love can cross any boundary. It was great to be able to build these relationships because any time we would walk through the neighborhood the care point kids would find us, follow us and hold our hands the entire time we were there. We were able to leave some supplies and food with them for the kids. Hopefully the kids will have fun with the gifts and the food can be used to feed all who come there to get their meal for the day.

We finished out our trip with a time of reflection and a day of fun one last time as a team. We went on a safari and were once again overwhelmed by the beauty that is seen in God's creation. It was fun to just let loose and enjoy each others company. We also spent time as a group affirming one another in how we see Christ in each of our teammates. We came into Swazi as a group of strangers and left as a family. It has been about a week since I have been home and I miss these people I have mentioned above greatly. Part of me still wishes I was with them, but I know that God is with them even though I can't be. I trust that He will go and water the seeds that we planted. These people will permanently be etched on my mind and heart and to me their faces tell their stories better than I ever could. Thank you all so much for your comments of encouragement and prayers. They mean so much to me!

*For more pictures click on "See My Pics."

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

An Amazing Month

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."- Philippians 4:11-13

I am finally back in the States and I can't believe that my time in Africa is over. To be honest, coming back has been really hard. I wasn't ready to leave and before I knew it I was on a plane coming home. This last month was amazing. It was a challenging month, but a very rewarding one at the same time. God stretched me in so many ways and taught me more and more what it means to be a Godly woman.

As I sit here and try to think how to condense a month of ministry into two blogs, I think it is important to start with the greatest ministry I had...my team. I grew to love these young people as if they were my own children. We became a family on this trip. My nickname for the trip was "Momma Caroline" and that was actually how I felt. I saw a little glimpse of what parents go through and man was it eye opening. I can't imagine the love a parent must feel after this experience. I truly do love them and now that they are all scattered around North America it is hard. I miss them. For a month I got used to being woke up by one or multiple girls having to go to the bathroom at 5am in the morning. I would wake up to see their lovely faces not happy to be getting up so early. I got used to the laughter over the most random things and the need to comfort them when they were sick. I miss getting to pour into them on a daily basis and share all that God continues to teach me. They are absolutely amazing high school students and way beyond their years in many ways. I can't wait to see all the ways God is going to use each one of them in the future. He has big things in store for them!

God gave me a real contentment this past month. I was out in the middle of nowhere with no electricity, running water or phone/Internet access to the outside world. At first it was hard. I felt really alone and had no outlet to anything I knew. It is neat how I saw God take my discomfort and change it into complete contentment. I loved our homestead. I even loved not having all of the "stuff" that I'm used to having. It was simple and that was good. I got used to only taking a shower once every four days (yes, I know) and washing my face with my water bottle. It is funny how the Lord can give you new perspective. It was great when we were finally able to get into a normal routine. Here is what a regular day would look like for our team:

5:30am-Wake up (Yes, I got up this early and was even the one to wake everyone up)

6:00-6:45am-Breakfast and quiet time

6:45am-Leave for the hospital

7:00-7:30am-Morning devotional at the hospital

8:00am-10:45am-Teach classes at the local primary school

11:30-1:00pm-Lunch and more quiet time

1:30-4:30pm-Homestead and Care Point visits

5:00pm until dinner-Chores and preparation for the next day

8:00pm-Discipleship and teaching time

10:00pm-Bedtime

We also were able to visit the local high school every Friday morning and do a fifty minute devotional where we did dramas, sang and had someone speak. It was a good opportunity to build those relationships with the community. We also were able to take a couple days and go into the bush to build a very large fence for a local orphanage. They will use the area inside the fence to crop food for the kids at the orphanage and those in the community. It was really neat to see the progression throughout the month. When we first arrived there didn't seem to be a lot of people around and not much ministry to do. The people were friendly, but still closed off from us. By the end of the month we felt as though we were finally able to build relationships with people in the community, and kids were always waiting to play with us at our homestead. We decided on our last Saturday there to throw a big party for the community. We went all around the community and passed out flyers and made sure that all of our classes at the primary and high school knew they needed to come. We had no idea what to expect. The Saturday before we only had about 15 kids at our homestead so we weren't sure what to expect this time around. Well, our last Saturday came and we had over 300 people on our homestead. Some watched the local netball game that was being played on the grounds. Others packed into our homemade movie theater to watch "Narnia" on the projector and some were just content to sit with us and let us love on them. After the first few hours we pulled out the food and were able to feed everyone at least once. The whole time I just kept being reminded of how God fed the 5,000 and how many times he took a small amount of food and fed thousands. We needed our food multiplied that day because we didn't have enough, but God made it work and used it to bless a community. We even had enough balloons to give to almost all of the kids and to see the joy on their faces at the end of the day was enough to make the day a success and blessing to all that were involved. We really bonded as a team that day and saw the joy that there is in serving others.

There is so much more to share, so my next blog will tell a little more about some of our specific ministries. Blog #2 coming next...

Here are a few pictures:

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

A Hard But Good Day

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee."-Ps. 56:3

I can't believe it has already been a week since my last post. I have very little time today so I will have to make this short, but I will be sure to give full updates when I get home. Today was a hard day. We decided to take the team into the capital city of Swaziland to get on the Internet and do some ministry. We went to the hospital first. It is the largest hospital in Swaziland and has people covering it on every side. I really struggle with going to hospitals, but the Lord continues to put the desire to minister there in my heart. We walked in and I was immediately overwhelmed. Most of the team went to the children's ward, but I felt led to go to one of the women's ward where people were suffering from HIV and Tuberculosis. I thought I was just going to be with the HIV patients, but it turned out that a lot of the patients had TB as well. I went in with another girl and we went through and prayed for many of the women, read from the Bible to them and just loved on them a little. While we were praying for the last woman all of a sudden I just felt sick and I started to pass out. I don't know what happened other than that it was just an attack from Satan. I made it through the prayer and quickly went outside where I could lay on the ground to regain my strength. It was just all really hard to see and the heaviness there was great. The Lord just broke me. I went to the children's ward after that where I saw this little boy whose whole body was swollen to the point that he looked like someone had beaten him badly. He was only about 6 years old. I tried to walk away but just couldn't. He was all alone and I just felt like I needed to do something. I asked the nurse what was wrong with him and she said he was swollen from malnourishment and he also was suffering from TB. He had no parents and was completely alone. I went up to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He could hardly see me because his eyes were almost swollen shut, but I said hello in Siswati and reached my hand out. As I reached my hand to him, he pulled his little hand out from under the covers and shook my hand. His hand was so swollen he couldn't even bend his fingers. I just wanted to do something so badly, but there was nothing I could do to help him. I prayed for him and then pulled a lady over to translate for me. I told him that I loved him and would be praying for him. He said thank you. I left with such a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face. I still haven't fully processed it. I just pray that the Lord continues to show His love to him and the rest of the people there.

After the hospital we went to an abandoned baby shelter and had so much fun playing and laughing with the beautiful children. I will tell more about that when I get home and have more time. Thank you all so much for your prayers and comments. They encourage me more than you know. I can't believe I only have a week left. Honestly, part of me really doesn't want to come home. There is just something beautiful about being away from everything that can distract me in daily life from what's important. Life is simple here and in many ways that is a good thing. The team is doing well. They are growing so much and are truly hungry for what God has for them. I am blessed to be around them on a daily basis. Please continue to pray against the attack of the Enemy. We continue to have random illnesses happen, but overall God has taken care of us in ways I can not explain. Please pray that the Lord would continue to give me grace as well. I love you all and can't wait to share more.

For Him,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

I'm Alive!!

Tue, 8 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."- Jeremiah 1:5-10

Sanibonani (hello) from Swaziland, Africa! I am sitting in a small Internet caf in a very remote city called Pigg's Peak in the mountains of Swaziland. I'm not really even sure where to start because all of my days are beginning to run together at this point. We flew into Johannesburg, South Africa the night of July 3 after a very long flight from Washington. We stopped to refuel in Senegal about half way through the flight. Once we got to South Africa we met our contact and drove to a compound called Alabanza where we stayed the night. It was absolutely freezing there. A lot of the kids struggled with the weather since many of them didn't believe us when we told them it was going to be cold (ha). We had a good night of rest though and headed out the next morning for about a 2 hour drive to Swaziland. The drive was beautiful. I must say it looks completely different here than it does in Kenya. Swaziland is completely surrounded by mountains and looks more like an island (minus the water) than what I am used to seeing in Africa. Crossing the border was a unique experience as we all had to get out of the car and walk across after waiting in a very long line. We arrived just in time to attend a 4^th of July party where I was reunited with my roommate and other very special friends from home. Words can not explain how much joy it gave me to see them and get to spend that time with them. The Lord knew I needed that. After the party we drove to Manzini where we would stay with the Real Life (college-age) team for the weekend. This is the group that I met at training camp a month ago and fell in love with. It was amazing to get to see them again and here all God has done in and through them over this last month. They took my team in with open arms and really made them feel more comfortable with all of their new surroundings. We spent time playing sports with them and we also ventured into the city for a small scavenger hunt to help get my team used to the culture. This time with the Real Life team was just really good for my heart and ministered to me in ways they will never know. I must say I have been a little lonely since starting this trip. It is hard being at a different age and place in life then everyone else that I am around. It can jus make me feel very alone at times. I don't think I had prepared myself for that, but the Lord has showed me that this time is for Him...not me. He is going to be the one there for me and I need to use this time to run to Him and learn even more dependence on Him. Although it is a ruff process, I can see that He is continually trying to break me of myself and that is a good thing. It was hard saying goodbye to my roommate and the rest of the team, but I cherish the time I did have with them and know we will see each other again in a month.

We finally arrived last night at our final destination where we will be staying for the rest of the trip. It is a very rural village about a 2 hour drive south of Manzini. It is much colder here in the mornings and nights but the weather during the day is beautiful. Praise the Lord for no humidity! We are living on a homestead in small round huts. Our huts have no electricity but there is a small amount in the kitchen and a couple light posts outside. Our bathroom consists of 2 long-drops (one does look somewhat like a toilet...the other is just a hole) and that's about it. I am using my water bottle to wash my face and brush my teeth and mirrors have pretty much become obsolete. Let the record show that no one can ever call me high maintenance again and say I don't know how to camp (ha)! :) The kids love the location as it is much more what you would think Africa to be than Manzini was. Today I am updating all the blogs and will then go to the grocery store and get food for the next week or so. Sean will be visiting the local school and clinic to see if we can do ministry there. We also have a net ball court (similar to basketball) on our homestead where we plan to do a lot of kid's ministry. The next couple of days are going to be hard as we have to do most all of the set up by ourselves. Please pray that the Lord would go before us and prepare all of these ministry opportunities for us. We are blessed to have our own translators and drivers which really help a lot.

I feel a little scattered in this blog because I have so much to say and not a lot of time to say it, but I hope it has made some kind of sense. Please pray that the Lord would give me wisdom on how to lead this team and that He would just give me joy and love for them and the Swazi people that is not of myself. We have really been through a lot already: ear infection, pink eye, throwing up, upset stomachs, twisted ankles, homesickness and the list could go on, but the Lord has been faithful to heal it all and He is breaking me of my fears in the process.

Prayer Requests:

*Continued good health as it is very cold here in the morning and night.

*Team unity (they have already had some ruff times but are really working well together to work through the disagreements)

*Teaching times-I have never really taught before so I am nervous, but trusting the Lord to help me through it.

*Details-That the Lord would help us figure out how to handle the money well and getting ministry details finished.

*Patience and grace from our kids as Sean and I do all of the set-up.

*That the Lord would break my heart for my team and the people here...that I would see them with His eyes and not my own.

I'm sorry there are no pictures. I am dying to put some up but this Internet will not allow it so I will just have to put them all up when I get home. Thank you for your prayers and support. Your comments are such an encouragement to me so keep them coming. I love and miss you all and am so thankful to be here. Until next week...

For His Glory,

Caroline

Ps. 56:3

Next Stop: Africa!!

Tue, 1 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zionto bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."- Isaiah 61:1-3

Today is the last day of training camp and tomorrow at 3am my team will board a plane to South Africa. We will fly through Washington and then on to a 16-hour flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. We will spend the first night there and then drive about 6 hours the next day into Swaziland. It has been a long but very good week. I first went through three days of leader training with 5 other amazing people who will be leading trips to Peru and the Philippines. We have had so much fun together. There has been a lot to learn, but we have all done our best to intake it all. Most of those three days were spent sitting in a room going over all the possible issues that may come up on the field. We also had some fun doing team building activities involving water balloons. Let's just say I got wet! The girls all stayed at my house which was fun and the guys all stayed at the camp. It was a lot of information to take in but it was definitely needed. Last Thursday all of the leaders headed to the airport to pick up our teams. We were all so excited. After months of emailing, seeing pictures and talking on the phone, it was finally time to meet our kids. We spent most of the day at the airport and finally when everyone was there we all loaded a big yellow school bus and headed back to Gainesville.

The first day of training camp is always interesting because everyone is nervous and still trying to figure out how to act in a group of strangers. My team is amazing. They are talented, funny and a genuine bunch of go-getters. It has almost been unreal to see how quickly they have bonded. Throughout the week we have had different team building activities to draw us together and help us know each other better. One team builder involved going "Army boot camp" style through a maze in the woods. Now, let's pause at this point in the story because anyone who knows me is thinking right now, "You went in the woods?" I absolutely never go in the woods because I am highly allergic to poison ivy. It has become a phobia of mine because I have had such bad experiences from it in the past. So, when I heard my team was going to have to do this I panicked. I went back and forth on what I should do in my mind, but when it came down to it I knew I would regret not giving my everything for my team. So, I cried a little, prayed and then headed in ready to take it on. The whole time I was just thinking, "It's all for Jesus." It ended up being an awesome time for my team and we even set a new record on the fastest time to get through the maze. Our next big team builder was the obstacle course. Now, this is the event that I had worked as a staff member for over the last 6 weeks so I know it inside and out. I also knew that the AIM staff was going to silence me from talking so I couldn't give my team any hints. We all know that is not an easy thing for me to do. Because our team had done so well at the other team builders they put extra constraints on the course to try and make it harder for us. I was still trying to give directions with my hands so they ended up tying my hands together so I couldn't move them. I learned that lesson the hard way (ha). It was very hard not to be able to lead, but my team has so many amazing people that are there ready to step up and lead the team. We ended up getting through the course under our goal time while having a ton of fun in the process. Other team times included a dance off, a strategic mind game and different pole and ball games. It has been really neat to see each of them find their role and comfort level on this team.

Tonight we had our commissioning service where Sean and I were prayed over by staff members and then we had the opportunity to pray over each of our team members and take communion together. Now I am finishing packing and will hopefully get a few hours of sleep before heading to the airport at 3am. I must say I am exhausted and need sleep desperately, but I am trusting the Lord for energy, strength and good health since good sleep is not in my sight right now. Please pray for my team while we are gone. Also, please leave comments on my blog while I am gone because they will be a great encouragement to me when I am able to get on the Internet. I hopefully will be able to blog once a week while I am gone even though pictures may have to wait until I am home due to the extremely slow Internet in Swazi. We also have a team blog where the kids will be telling their stories while we are gone: http://08sw0626amb1.myadventures.org/.

Team Members: Rachel, Kayla, Skye, Noah, Nia, Jordan, Gaby, Alison and Kayleen

Prayer Requests: Good health, wisdom as I guide this team, team unity, good attitudes, personal direction and that God would prepare our paths and show up in big ways!

I love you all and can't wait to share all that God does over this next month. Keep in touch and please keep us in your prayers! Next stopAfrica!!

For His Glory,

Caroline

Ps. 56:3

Coming Alive

Mon, 9 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Selah. Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in."-Psalm 24:5-7

Today closed out an amazing week. I just got back from helping send off over 100 college students to the countries of Thailand, India, Jeffreys Bay, Mozambique, Peru and Swaziland. I am continually amazed at how I can fall in love with a group of people so quickly. This group of young people are absolutely amazing and pursuing Christ passionately. As I type this they are all on planes with excitement of what the Lord has ahead of them. They know they are going to grow and be stretched, but I don't think they know how much this experience is going to change their lives. They will hold orphans, care for the sick and dying and be Jesus to those who have never known Him before. God is going to show up in big ways, and I can't wait to hear their amazing stories in 2 months at debrief.

I got so close to so many and truly fell in love with them. I never wanted to go home, because I just loved being around them. Hearing their excitement, fears, life stories, jokes, heartaches and laughter blessed me in ways they will never know. I saw people set free of burdens and hurts they have carried for years. In the process, God showed me so much about His heart and the heart that He has given me. I have always been someone who loved people, but He has taken that heart and instilled in it a compassion that I have never known before. The last night at the commissioning service I just couldn't help but cry because I realized that I truly loved these people in a way that is only from the Lord. God showed me that He has taken a business woman, and turned her into a woman who cares more about people than money: a woman who wants to see lives changed and hopes to be used in even a small part of that. I want more. I want more of Him and more from this life than just trying to get ahead. This week I came alive in a way that my heart has been yearning for. They are my heart.

Saying goodbye was hard. The last night I had the privilege of praying over some of the leaders that have become such good friends since meeting them at leader training in April. It was extra special to me, because I was able to pray over my roommate and sister who will be leading one of the trips to Jeffreys Bay. It was overwhelming for me to be able to send off my friend to minister to the nations. When my team touches the ground in South Africa, she will be the one there to meet us. What a reunion that will be. God has started turning my focus toward the Swaziland team I will be leading in less than 3 weeks! He has started instilling in me a love for them that I can't explain. We have all been emailing each other for about 2 months now, and I have gotten to speak to some of them on the phone. They all are getting excited along with Sean (my co-leader) and me. This week I got really close to the college team that is currently on a plane to Swazi. Lord- willing my team will be able to spend time with their team at one point during our trip. What an amazing thing it will be for my high school students to be able to spend time serving and worshipping with one of the teams I fell so in love with this week. I can not wait to see them again while serving in Swaziland.

God is working. I can't see everything He is doing yet, but it is so obvious He is there and preparing His path for my life. I just don't think I can put into words how the Lord has ministered to my heart this week. I am still processing it all, but so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness and for once again showing His heart to me. Only 3 more weeks and I will be in Africalet the countdown begin!!

Here are a few pictures from the week. Enjoy!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Fighting Demons And Meeting Angels

Wed, 21 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."-Ephesians 6:10-12

Spiritual warfare is not spoken about often and is not something I grew up learning much about, but it is very much present in daily life. The closer I draw to the Lord, the more I see Satan trying to attack me in any way that He can. Whether it is through lies he places in my mind, circumstances that seem to make things crumble around me or just challenging my faith, it so evident to me recently that Satan is alive and well and is trying to thwart anything that is going to be used for God. Satan hates beauty. He hates anything that is made in the image of Jesus and anyone who is trying to serve Him. It is funny how one can go from their highest high to their lowest low so quickly. This past month has been one of the hardest of my life. Just as the Lord was taking me to a place of complete freedom in Him is when the attacks began. It seemed like everything around me started to crumble. All my plans, my health, my hope and my faith were being actively attacked. Last week I finally got to a point where I cried out to the Lord and told Him that I could not take one more thing...not one more! I had no fight left in me. I was emotionally and physically empty. I felt like I had nothing left to give.

It is ironic because when I first moved to Gainesville one of the things that I was not looking forward to was living with roommates. I had lived by myself for a while and knew it was going to be an adjustment. Although it has taken some adjustment, what I didn't know is that it would be one of the greatest things I have gained since moving here. I have never known community and friendship like this in my life. These two girls have become two of my closest friends and true sisters. This past month they have shown up in an amazing way. They have been there to lift me up when I was down. They have cried with me and prayed for me and have fought for me when I had no fight left. I can not put into words what their constant support and love means to me and even at this very moment is life changing. It is neat how the Lord knows our needs before we do. He knew that I would need them here. I am so thankful for some specific people here and back at home who have stepped up for me in my weakness and are fighting on my behalf. It is in the hardest times that your true friends will show up. This past week I've seen what it truly means to be the body of Christ and there is no way to explain how it continues to change my life. I now realize how important it is to have other Christians in your life who can stand against evil with you. In the new movie, "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" there is a place in the movie where the witch (who is representing Satan) holds out her hand and mesmerizes one of the princes. As she is trying to draw him to herself she says, "You know you can't do this on your own" and that is when his brother comes and saves him. This struck me so strongly, because I now realize how much truth is in that statement. We can't do this on our own. We can't live this life by ourselves. Christ has created the Body to support one another and help fight against those things that we cant fight alone. I have seen this play out in my life over the past couple weeks and it continues to make a lasting impact.

Do you ever feel like God isn't really there? Do you ever feel like He has abandoned you? Even in the darkness, Christ's light can not be hidden. Just when I feel like my Father has left me, His still small voice calls out to me and shows me that He is still here and knows all that is happening. My roommate, Dawn and I decided to drive up to Athens to attend the Alabama vs. Georgia baseball game. Those of you who know me well know that I love the University of Alabama and going to sporting events. While I was in college I was a Baseball Hostess for the University which meant that I spent almost all of my days during the spring at the baseball field. It was just such a simple joy for me. I have really missed getting to go to games, so being able to go to this game was a big deal to me and something I was really looking forward to. Dawn and I got to the game 40 minutes late. As we walked up to the gate we saw the signs that said the game was sold out. I couldn't believe it. College baseball games are rarely sold out. I didn't know what to do. We had driven all that way and now couldn't get in. I went up to the ticket counter and asked the man if there was any way we could get in, and he said that there were no seats left. We both stood there not knowing what to do. As we were about to walk off we saw this little boy all by himself walking directly toward us with two tickets in his hand. He was walking straight at us as if he was going to turn them back in to the ticket office. I asked him if he was selling the tickets, and he said that he was just going to give them away. I asked if we could have them and before we could really say thank you he had placed them in my hand and walked away. Dawn and I just stood there and stared at each other like we didn't know what had just happened. It was really surreal. It was as if that was his purpose...to give us those tickets. We turned and walked in. I figured they would just be bleacher seats, but I was just excited to get in and for free no less. As we were looking around trying to find our seats we finally realized where our seats were located. They were not bleacher seats. They were 4 rows up behind home plate. They were literally the best seats in the entire stadium. I couldn't believe it. Dawn and I just started laughing. Later Dawn told me that she had walked off and thanked the Lord for sending that little boy, and the Lord said to her: "I was that little boy." I had sensed the same thing. I know some people reading this may be thinking that it was just some free baseball tickets and a coincidence, but I am here to say that it was not a coincidence. I truly believe that little boy was an angel. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it meant so much. I felt God saying so softly, "I'm still here. I haven't left you." To anyone else it wouldn't have meant much, but God knows even the little things that make me happy and on that day it meant the world.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."-Ex. 14:14

This blog was hard for me to write, because I am being very vulnerable and letting everyone know that I am going through a tough time right now. But, I hope in this vulnerability that I can encourage someone who feels like they are alone. To let those who feel like God has abandoned them or doesn't love them enough to know that those are just lies from the Enemy. God is here and He is present and I am learning in this time of brokenness that the Lord just wants me to trust Him. When I can't do anything else, I have to trust Him. I have to cry out to Him to fight for me when I can't do it myself. That is where I am. Even though it hurts, I am so thankful for what God is doing in me through these trials. I would appreciate all of your prayers for my health as I have been feeling really sick lately. I would also appreciate all of you to stand with me in prayer for God's peace and direction in all that He has planned for me. I know that Satan wouldn't be attacking me so much if God didn't have something great planned, and I am holding on to that hope! I want to leave all of you with some lyrics from a song that really strikes me at my core and puts my heart into words. It is called "None But Jesus" by Christy Knockels.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I am yours and you are mine...

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

Be blessed!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Falling In Love

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me."- Psalm 18:18-19

Back in January, I had the pleasure of meeting 26 young people who were setting out on a journey that would forever change them. Half were going to Swaziland, Africa and the other half to India. I spent a week with these amazing people and completely fell in love with them. Well, 3 months has passed and on April 20 I drove to Atlanta to be reunited with the people that stole my heart at the beginning of the year. I was so excited to see them again that I could hardly contain myself. They were tired and jet-lagged, but I didn't care because I was ready to hand out hugs to everyone. It was such a sweet time for me to hear all their stories, laugh with them, cry with them and just love on them. To hear how God had changed each person in different ways was amazing, and to see the hearts that had grown in them for the people in each country was so beautiful. I stayed up until the early morning hours talking with them, and I still didn't want to leave. I look forward to staying in touch with them and seeing all of the amazing ways that the Lord uses each one of them in the future. It is really neat, because I also found out that my Swaziland team this summer will be staying at the same homestead as the group that just returned. It will be a blessing to get to follow up with the people that they ministered to over the last 3 months, and I know it will mean a lot to them as well.

Lately God has really been birthing a passion in me for my team of high school students this summer. In just 2 months, I will be leaving to spend my summer in Africa with a group of mostly females. God has been teaching me so much about what it means to be a Godly woman and to find my identity in Christ and Him alone. So many times we give people the authority to speak death and lies over our lives without even realizing it. This isn't the way God intended it to be. He has been doing so much healing in my life lately and has restored my heart in a way that I have never known before. He has allowed me to lay down past hurts, rejections and lies that have been oppressing me for so long. I'm realizing what true beauty looks like and what it means to live in freedom before the Lord. I finally understand what it means to be truly in love with the Lover of my soul. I know God has placed me here leading this trip for a time like this. I can't wait to get to pour into my girls this summer. My desire for them is that they will see what it means to be a woman after God's own heart. A woman that is madly in love with her Father and does not allow the lies from the enemy to affect how she sees herself because her confidence and identity is in Christ. I hope they will see what it means to be a woman thats heart is so hidden in the Lord, that in order for any man to find her heart he will have to go to God first. That is what my heart is for these girls, and I plan to lead by example. Praise Jesus that He is a God of healing and a God that pursues our hearts.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Raising Up Leaders

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"- Isaiah 52:7

This past week I went through leadership training with 22 amazing people. We will all be leading trips this summer to Swaziland, Jeffreys Bay, Thailand, Philippines, The Highlands of Peru, India and the Amazon. The group consisted of people from all different areas of the country, but we all shared in our passion for the Lord.

On Wednesday, all of the "A" leaders gathered in Gainesville and went out to eat dinner together. After dinner we headed back to the base where the people leading the camp served us desserts and coffee. It was a good time to break some of the awkwardness of meeting new people and allowed us to have a sweet time of worship together.

We started again early Thursday morning. In order to have breakfast we all had to memorize every leader's first and last name. This was a challenge in itself after only getting a couple hours of sleep. After breakfast we each had our quiet time and then the training began. We talked about expectations and responsibilities for "A' leaders, community life and how to handle tuff situations on the field. We broke up into guy and girl groups for lunch and got to spend quality time learning about each other. After lunch we spent some time in worship and praying over each of our team members and the countries where we will be serving. Later in the afternoon all of our co-leaders arrived, and I finally got to meet my co-leader, Sean. My group of leaders spent the evening cooking dinner for the rest of the group. There was a serious "catch" though. Each one of us was given various handicaps that we had to overcome in order to finish the meal. My ailments included being paralyzed, having only one arm and not being able to talk (yes this was hard for me ha). The problem was that most everyone else was blind or had no arms. No one was able to do anything on his or her own. Well, after they finally got me in a chair I was able to get in the kitchen and try to start cooking. I must say as frustrating as this was at times, it was a great time to bond with the other leaders and have some very humorous moments together. Once dinner was cooked we all served our co-leaders dinner. We spent the rest of the night getting to know a little bit about our partners and what their expectations are for our trips.

It was another late night and by Friday morning I was running on empty. God showed up in an amazing way though and gave me energy I didn't know I had. We had some more training classes and even had a team building activity which involved building a rat's house made of only marshmallows, vanilla wafers and toothpicks. Let's just say it was harder than it sounds, and I now know I will not be an architect anytime soon. We spent most of the day doing what we call an ATL (Ask the Lord). We broke up into teams and each group went out into the community asking the Lord what He wanted for us that day. My group decided to go to lunch first and spend some time bonding with one another. It was such a great time to talk about what God was doing in each of our lives and really get to pour into one another. After lunch we headed into town and shared an amazing time listening to the Lord and loving on the people He led us to. God completely blessed my heart through this ministry time and gave me newfound energy and excitement. We finished up the day with some more sessions and then used dinner to get to know our co-leaders. Our night was spent in worship and sharing with one another some of the issues we were struggling with. I was able to spend time praying with two of the other girl leaders, which was a really special time for each of us. After this we worshipped together and then many of us stayed up late praying with someone about things in our lives that we needed to hand over to the Lord. Saturday and Sunday were similar and by Sunday afternoon we were all so close that we didn't want to leave each other. I truly grew to love this amazing group of people. Each person is uniquely different, but together we represent a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. It was hard saying goodbye, but I can't wait to see each person again as they come back to Gainesville for their team's training camp. It was a hard week and stretched me in many ways, but I know God is going to use what came out of this week to have a lasting impact.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

The Pain of Trusting

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."- John 15:1-4

What does real community look like, and how does one accomplish it? Is the church where a body of people congregates, or is it the actual body? Over the last 2 months, a group of people has formed here out of the office. It started with about 8-10 people who just wanted to spend time together outside of work, and now it has become a true community that does pretty much everything together. These people are amazing and are truly some of the best people I have ever met. It sounds great, but what I now realize is that with this close community of people comes dealing with trust issues. It can be really hard at times and takes purposeful effort. In order to truly be what God intended "The Church" to be, we have to be able to trust one another. Not just that, but we have to go a step further and be vulnerable and honest with one another. This is the point where I pull back. If I am vulnerable and share my heart then I will most likely get hurt. How do I trust these people?

Why does trusting people hurt so badly? Why is having confidence in someone so hard? Webster's defines the word "trust" as: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. Lately I have been thinking a lot about trust and what it means to truly trust someone. God has been making it very evident to me that we all have scars in our lives. Each of our scars has been left by a different circumstance, but these scars have affected and had a hand in forming the people we are today. Whether it is from people leaving, betraying trust, saying one thing and doing another or just not being a good friend, many people (including myself) find it hard to put their confidence in another human being. I have realized that through all of my life experiences I have built walls up around my heart. I didn't even know I had done this until about a month ago when these walls starting to come crashing down. I then realized that the state I am in right now is a time of pruning. God is picking off the dead branches and tearing down the walls that have been covering up the person He made me to be. I have been trying to protect myself, but in the process I was covering up my heart. I don't want that, but how do I show my heart to people without getting hurt? I don't know how to be vulnerable without expecting people to hurt or disappoint me. I've almost come to expect it. God has been showing me that I have to love without expectations of being loved in return: this is what true, selfless love looks like. Man, is that easier said than done. I think we all love with some sort of expectations attached, but Christ didn't. He gave His whole self and rarely got anything in return, but that didn't stop Him from giving all of Himself to people. He was hurt in the worst ways, and He still gave everything He had to those that hurt Him. I want to be like that. I want to love unconditionally and if I get hurt than I get hurt, but at least I gave everything I had.

It is hard for me to love people without being able to trust them. Not just that, but how do I believe that these people actually truly love me and have my best interests at heart? That is a tall order to fill. If I put everything out on the table, how do I know they aren't just going to leave me? Honestly, I don't know the answers to all of these questions, but I am working through them. Most people can get through their lives with just surface relationships, but I can't do that here and part of me doesn't want to. I want to break the cycle of feeling rejected and abandoned. I want to trust them. I'm not there yet, but with the Lord's help I am working on it. I don't want to regret this time and look back and wish I had given or trusted more. Sowith each conversation, prayer, hug and laugh we share, I'm learning what it means to trust and what the "Body of Christ" should look like. I'm thankful that sometimes it is ok to not be ok, and through these times I will see more of what God is trying to teach me. There is a reason God won't let me run away from the pain and discomfort. I mean, I can't get away from these people (ha). He is making me deal and rest in it. Through this pruning process, hopefully I can come out of all of this knowing Him and myself more and maybe even ending up with a true family of friends. What a great thing that would be.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

The Passion Of My Heart

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish."- Psalm 9:18

Four years ago I fell madly and utterly in love. I didn't fall in love with an individual person, but instead with a continent and the people that comprise that place. God broke my heart for Africa and the beautiful faces that live there. In 2004 and 2005, I had the opportunity to serve on short-term trips in Kenya, Africa. Little did I know that God would use these trips to change my life forever.

Especially after the second trip, I remember coming back and realizing for the first time that there was no way I could ever be the same again. I knew then that I had somehow managed to leave pieces of my heart over there, and I didn't know how to get them back. It has been a little over 2 years since my foot last touched African soil, and I can honestly say that there has not been one minute that has gone by that I haven't wished I was back there. Their faces are permanently etched in my heart, and they are constantly on my thoughts. I can't escape from it. Ever since my last trip, I have been praying that the Lord would provide a way for me to go back. I didn't know how or when it was going to happen, but I knew that God had placed this passion in me and that He would fulfill it in His time. Well, that time has come. In June of this summer I will be traveling to Swaziland, Africa to serve for a month as a leader for a group of high-school students that are giving their summer to serve Christ.

Swaziland is Africa's last traditional Kingdom, and a country that has been ravaged by AIDS. People are dying at an alarming rate and are in desperate need of a Savior. Ever since I started working with AIM, I felt God building a desire in me to go to Swaziland. Honestly, there are so many things about this place that could scare me, but these are the people that are closest to God's heart. This is a country mainly comprised of orphans, widows, the suffering and the outcasts. These are the people I was created to love, and I am ready. Not only will I have a month to minister to those in Swaziland, but I will also get to pour my life into a group of young people who are searching to know Christ more and serve Him by showing His love to others. I have no idea why the Lord has chosen me for this, but I am ready to follow in obedience with the expectation that God is going to work in amazing ways.

Most of the details have still not been determined, but Lord willing I am hoping to take the month after the trip and travel to the other AIM bases in Johannesburg, Jeffreys Bay and Kenya to visit the teams there and see the ministries in which they are involved. Obviously, because of the current violence in Kenya, I can not plan for that part of the trip yet, but I am praying the violence will be over by that time. I must say it will be excruciatingly hard for me to be on the continent of Africa and not be able to go to Kenya to see those who stole my heart 3 years ago. So, I am praying the Lord will work out all of the details.

I know this is still a few months away, but I wanted to go ahead and let everyone know of my plans so you could begin praying with me for this time. I will go through leadership training in April and then have training camp with my team a week before we leave. The time in-between will be spent getting to know my co-leader and the group of high-school students that will be on this trip. I am also praying that the Lord would use the next few months to prepare my heart for this leadership position and all that is involved with that. I will be updating all of you on the areas where I will be serving so you can be more familiar with them. For now, here is a short video comprising some facts about the country of Swaziland. Thank you all for going on this journey with me and for all of your encouragement and prayers. They mean the world to me. My heart is truly overwhelmed! God Bless!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Wanting My Life To Count

Tue, 5 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."-Ephesians 2:10

This week I turn 27. I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was leaving for college and now I am 27!! I'm not going to lie, I have had some trouble accepting the aging process. I'm hoping the day will come when I can embrace it and get excited about being another year olderbut I'm not quite there yet. As another birthday comes, it does make me think about the life I have lived and all the blessings God has given me over the last 27 years. I think of all of the fun times I have had, the places I have been and all of the people in my life who are important to me. The older I get, the more I realize what is truly important in my life. It puts in perspective what I am living for.

When I think through my life there are so many random memories that make up the years of my life. I think about what an amazing childhood I had. I grew up in a comfortable house in the perfect neighborhood with the best group of friends a person could ask for. Things were so simple then. I loved the school I went to, being able to walk home without being scared, playing with my neighbors until it got dark, going to the pool every summer, tons of slumber parties and being a part of every extra curricular activity imaginable. I look back with only fond memories. I was truly blessed in the way that I grew up. As time passed, I think of the fun road trips I took with my youth group. They allowed me to see parts of the US I would have never seen otherwise, as well as setting foot in another country for the first time. College was the best four years of my life. Here is where I finally found my place in the world and met people that would be in my life forever. For the first time I was a part of something special. I traveled off of the continent for the first time and discovered my passion for travel, photography and art. I learned about friendship and hurt. This is also where God first broke me, stole my heart and taught me what it meant to truly worship Him. I can never thank God enough for all that He allowed me to do during this time. Since then I have learned about people. I have realized what makes a true friend, how important my family is and that settling for less than God's best in anything should never be an option. I discovered my love for Africa and for the unloved around the world. I have realized that money ultimately doesn't matter, and if I am living for anything other than the complete glorification of the Lord than I am not living for the right thing. There is no in-between. I could go on and on, but these are just a few of the highlights of the life that has made me the person I am today.

I am so thankful for my parents. I am thankful for my dad who has always been someone I have looked up to. When I was little I loved sitting on his shoulders at parades, standing on his feet while we danced, walking our dog through the neighborhood and him teaching me how to play softball and tennis like a champ. As I have grown older, my dad has become my sports partner, someone I share my love of the beach with and someone who can always make me laugh. He taught me that a true gentlemen still pulls out the chair for a woman and makes her feel like she is the most important person in the room. I share his love for life and his need to make everyone smile. I am also thankful for my mom. One of the greatest blessings in my life is to have a mother who is one of the Godliest women I know. I look up to her and can only hope to be as close to the Lord as she is. When I was growing up she was the one who was there to play games with me, spend nights at the ballpark with her "Caroline's mom" t-shirt on, clean my scraped knees and always be there when I needed a hug. As I have grown older, my mom has become my best friend. She is my spiritual confidant, my prayer warrior, my encourager, the person I look up to the most in the world and the woman I can only hope to be. I share her tender heart, her love for people and her lively spirit. I could not ask for a better mother and friend.

I'm so thankful for the friends God has put around me as my support system. I have learned so much through the years about what true friendship should look like. I realize now that is isn't just about people you have fun with, it is about those people who are there for you in the tuff times. True friends are those who can build you up in the Lord and draw you closer to Him. Those that can be there to encourage you and pray for you faithfully through the good and the bad. True friends are those that are loyal and even though they have busy lives will take the time to pick up the phone just to check on you. They are those who realize how special you are and actually take the time to show you that they realize it. Those that put others above themselves. Those are true friends. I am so blessed to know some people that fit this description. This past year I have realized how much it matters to have people like this in my life. I cherish them more than they will ever know, and I praise the Lord for them!

As another year passes, I am so thankful for the life the Lord has blessed me with. It hasn't always been good or easy. I have certainly seen my tuff times, and I will see many more to come. But through them all, God has molded me into the woman He wants me to be. It is about taking every situation and asking God what He wants me to learn and then applying it. I don't ever want to look back on my life and realize that I let so much time pass that I wasn't serving God with everything I had. I don't want to get to heaven and realize that I have nothing to show for my life. I want to run the race to the fullest and glorify God in everything I do. That will be when my life has actually mattered. Not when I have a lot of money to show for it, not when I can retire early, not when I have a big house, not when I have lots of friends and not even when I do community service. My life will matter when I have given EVERYTHING to Him and proclaimed His love to everyone that I meet. That is the goal, and that is what I am aiming for with my life!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

God Knows Best...

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."- Jeremiah 29:11-13

This past week I fell in love with 28 amazing men and women who are currently on their way to serve in Swaziland and India for the next three months. I went into this past week a little uncertain of how everything was going to go, but excited at the same time because I knew God was going to do something great.

Monday morning all the leaders showed up at the Atlanta airport ready to welcome the participants as they arrived from all over the US and Canada. I drove one of the vehicles and had the pleasure of getting to know one of the India leaders as we rode to the airport. I must say it can be a little awkward when you are put in a car with someone you don't know for an hour, but God knew exactly what He was doing. Anna and I had a great time getting to know each other and allowed us to bond in a way we probably wouldn't have if God hadn't placed her in my car. We spent the whole day waiting in the Atlanta airport for everyone to arrive but finally around 3:30pm I had a full car and was ready to head back to Gainesville. I had the privilege to drive back with four members of the Swazi team who I would later get to know really well. I could tell they were nervous and tired, but excited for what God was about to do in their lives.

We arrived back in Gainesville and all gathered for dinner. It is always interesting to see everyone when they first arrive. You can tell everyone has no idea what to expect, and at the same time they are all trying to get to know each other and build a comfort level with one another. I had made a decision that I was going to be as involved with this training camp as possible. I really wanted to get to know these people and be able to love on them and help in any way I could. So, starting on Tuesday and ending on Friday, I spent almost all day and evening with the groups. I went on their "team builders" with them, ate with them, went to worship with them and even ended up getting smooshed inside of a huge 15 person hug at one point. I must say there are so many times this past week where I laughed, smiled, joked and even cried. Getting to know this amazing group of people was one of the best times I have had since I have been here.

God showed me a living testimony of how perfect His timing truly is. While speaking to various girls throughout the week, I was able to put into practice all the lessons that God has been teaching me over the past few weeks (see previous blog). There is no coincidence in that. There are so many stories I have about divine situations the Lord put me in last week so that I could minister to others the things that He had been speaking into my own life. I love that when we minister to others; those are the times when Christ ministers the most to us.

On Friday night we had a commissioning service for the two groups where we prayed over the leaders and then the participants and each group took communion together. After praying for the leaders I decided to sit back and pray for each participant individually. As I sat there looking at each group, tears started to roll down my face, and the Spirit all of a sudden overwhelmed me. I realized that I had truly fallen in love with these people. And the best part is that God has used them to minister to parts of my heart that He knew were hurting.

God showed me an important truth this past week: He uses even the hard times in our life for His glory and there is a purpose in everything even if we cant see it at the time. I realized that if I had to go through the hurt so I could minister to these girls, than it was worth it. I have chosen to follow Christ with my life and if that means I will have to go through hurt every day so that He may be glorified, than that is what I will do and I will find contentment in that because HE is worth it!

As I write this, the teams are setting foot in their respective countries for the first time. My heart is overwhelmed with how I know God is going to turn each life on this trip completely upside down for His glory. They are going to minister to the outcasts, the orphans, the lepers and the widows, and through it all they are going to see the heart of Christ. Whether they know it or not, in the process they are going to come back completely changed. On April 21, I will be driving back to Atlanta to meet these teams as they return back to the US. I cant wait for this day when I can run up to them as they get off the plane and give each one of them a big hug, and we can revel in all that God has done in and through them over the past three months. I cant wait for this day, for it will truly be a glorious reflection of how great our God truly is!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Snow Day!!

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "- Zechariah 13:9

This past Thursday I had my first snow day since college. Wednesday night I looked out of my window to find 2-3 inches of fluffy, white snow covering everything in sight. Of course, in the South that is a LOT of snow. So, of course my roommate and I reverted to a childlike state and decided it was time to go in our backyard and enjoy the snow! We took a lot of pictures, built a mini-snowman named Herman, and had a massive snowball fight which left us out of breath and on the verge of frostbite. I must say it was definitely worth it and put a big smile on my face! This was by far the highlight of my week and our off day on Thursday was a well needed break.

The last couple of weeks have been a huge learning time for me. God has been stripping me of layers that have been formed from past experiences in my life. Many of these layers I didn't even know that I had. Some are there from past hurts and others are there as defense mechanisms to protect me from future hurts, but either way I have realized that they have been covering the actual person God created me to be. God has completely wrecked me these past few weeks. He has put me in a state where literally all I can do is wait for Him. I can not fix it myself. I am not content to stay in this state. It is not fun, and it is easy for me to want to put things in front of me to distract me from the pain. I think it is easy for us to think that any issues we may have in our lives will just go away if we give it enough time. What I am realizing is that it takes being intentional to work through these things. It takes a decision and then action. Problems and issues aren't just going to go away with time. We have to intentionally seek God on how to heal these areas in our life that need healing. I have been crying out to the Lord begging for Him to hear me; begging for Him to give me answers. I have begun taking more time to spend with Him and sit at His feet. I have begun journaling for the first time in my life and taking more time to read and cry out to my Savior. Sometimes I feel completely alone and like my prayers just hit the ceiling, but I press on because He promises to be there and hear every word. He promises to answer me.

I opened my Bible yesterday and came to this verse and it just kind of sat heavy with my heart.

The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."-Isaiah 29:13-14

When I read this all I could think was: how many times do we say the things we are supposed to say and do the things we are supposed to do as Christians, but our hearts are not where they are supposed to be with God? Because these people were just going through the motions of the Christian life, God was having to step in and shock them awake. I don't want to just say the right things and go through the motions of the Christian life. I want my heart to be where God wants it to be. I don't want to hide behind all the things in this life that are so easy to put in front of me so I don't have to actually deal with the stuff that is hard. How will I ever see my true self if I don't take the time to work through the painful things that are standing in the way? Stripping away is painful, but I would rather get it over with now than just have to deal with it later. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to see Christ's face and revel in the good, the bad and the ugly of who I am. I want to work through the hurt so I can be closer to God and closer to the person he has made me to be. Im not going to lie: it hurts. It can be so painful at times that you don't even want to get up in the morning because you know it is just going to be another day full of pain and heartache. But, sometimes you have to clean away the dirt in order to see the jewel underneath it all. Sometimes that means Christ is going to hold you close to the fire until He is finished refining you. It isn't fun, but it is a process that God is using in my life right now.

I wish I knew when the hurt was going to stop and when the lessons were going to end, but I don't. Im still trying to sort through everything He is showing me right now. Even though I wish I could just skip to the end of the lesson, Im trying to take each day and get through each growing pain so I don't miss what He is trying to show me. I don't want to prolong the lesson. I just want to learn it and apply it and become the woman God wants me to be even if it hurts in the process.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

As One Year Closes, A New One Begins...

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth."- Psalm 57:9-11

As another year comes to a close, I look back and think over everything that has happened in my life this year. God has taught me so much. He has shown me what it means to completely depend on Him for everything. He has broken me. He has filled me back up. He has taught me what it means to truly be loved by other people and how important it is to be surrounded by those who lift you up on a daily basis. He has proven that when we reach our limit, He will show up in ways that only He can. He taught me what it means to truly follow Him. I don't even think that I can fully comprehend all that God has taught me this year. It almost doesn't seem real.

I started the year off living in the place I had lived for the past three years not knowing what was going to come next. I was working at a job every day that was not fulfilling the purpose that God had for my life. I knew God was with me, but I didn't know what was going to come next. That was hard for me. I shed tears for the life that I knew God wanted me to have, but I didn't know how to reach it. I yearned to know Him more and the freedom that only He could give me in this life. My faith was put to the test. My love for Him was even put to the test at times, but through it all I knew He was there. A friend once told me that when it seems like God is nowhere to be found that is when He was working the most. I have seen this first hand this year. When I thought I was all alone, that is when He would show His amazing faithfulness.

I found myself moving to a place I knew nothing about and where I knew no one. I was all alone, but I had God. He was with me the first week after the move when it finally set in that I had left everything I knew. He has been with me on those days when I felt like I didn't know what I was doing or how this new life was going to work. He was there. I look back and His faithfulness brings tears to my eyes and overwhelms my spirit. He has allowed me to finally see a glimpse of my purpose in this life. He has given me a comfortable place to live with an amazing roommate and friend. He has surrounded me with co-workers that are not just people I have to work with, but instead a family which exemplifies the true definition of "the church." He has provided me with an amazing home church that is a constant support to me. He has shown me who my real friends are and how important they are even though many are miles away. He has allowed me to love a generation of young people who are sold out for Him and realize a heart within me that yearns for the nations. I am truly in awe of His grace and faithfulness in my life. To have the opportunity to give everything I have to the one who gave His life for me is the greatest thing I could have ever asked for.

As I look back, I try to take it all in, but I am still realizing all that He has for my life. As this next year approaches, I am moved with the motivation to be intentional in how I serve Him on a daily basis. I want to make the most of every second I have. I don't want to just look to the next thing. I want to make the most of my life right now. I don't know all that 2008 holds, but I know it holds amazing things, because God is going to continue to mold me into the person He wants me to be for Him. This week my aunt made the following comment and it is still impacting me as I think about it even now. She said: "Caroline, what is happening in your life? You seem so happy and are practically glowing. What is going on?" When she said this I was somewhat taken aback because I didn't feel like I looked any different. But when I really started to think about it I realized that this was the first time in awhile that I finally felt "alive." I am finally living in the freedom that only God can give, and it is a wonderful thing. What a difference it makes to live this way holding nothing back. May I never try to live my life apart from Him and what He wants for me. I pray I never hold back an ounce of love that can be given to someone in need and may I always see people with God's heart.

Thank you to everyone who has been such an encouragement to me this year. I know that God has placed each one of you in my life on purpose, and you have been more of a blessing than you will ever know. I hope you will continue to follow this ministry over the next year, as my heart can only fathom all that God has in store. May He get the glory for absolutely everything! May He bless each person reading this now and throughout the New Year! I love you all so much!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3