Snow Day!!

“This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’ “- Zechariah 13:9

This past Thursday I had my first snow day since college. Wednesday night I looked out of my window to find 2-3 inches of fluffy, white snow covering everything in sight. Of course, in the South that is a LOT of snow. So, of course my roommate and I reverted to a childlike state and decided it was time to go in our backyard and enjoy the snow! We took a lot of pictures, built a mini-snowman named Herman, and had a massive snowball fight which left us out of breath and on the verge of frostbite. I must say it was definitely worth it and put a big smile on my face! This was by far the highlight of my week and our off day on Thursday was a well needed break.

The last couple of weeks have been a huge learning time for me. God has been stripping me of layers that have been formed from past experiences in my life. Many of these layers I didn’t even know that I had. Some are there from past hurts and others are there as defense mechanisms to protect me from future hurts, but either way I have realized that they have been covering the actual person God created me to be. God has completely wrecked me these past few weeks. He has put me in a state where literally all I can do is wait for Him. I can not fix it myself. I am not content to stay in this state. It is not fun, and it is easy for me to want to put things in front of me to distract me from the pain. I think it is easy for us to think that any issues we may have in our lives will just go away if we give it enough time. What I am realizing is that it takes being intentional to work through these things. It takes a decision and then action. Problems and issues aren’t just going to go away with time. We have to intentionally seek God on how to heal these areas in our life that need healing. I have been crying out to the Lord begging for Him to hear me; begging for Him to give me answers. I have begun taking more time to spend with Him and sit at His feet. I have begun journaling for the first time in my life and taking more time to read and cry out to my Savior. Sometimes I feel completely alone and like my prayers just hit the ceiling, but I press on because He promises to be there and hear every word. He promises to answer me.

I opened my Bible yesterday and came to this verse and it just kind of sat heavy with my heart.

The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.”-Isaiah 29:13-14

When I read this all I could think was: how many times do we say the things we are supposed to say and do the things we are supposed to do as Christians, but our hearts are not where they are supposed to be with God? Because these people were just going through the motions of the Christian life, God was having to step in and shock them awake. I don’t want to just say the right things and go through the motions of the Christian life. I want my heart to be where God wants it to be. I don’t want to hide behind all the things in this life that are so easy to put in front of me so I don’t have to actually deal with the stuff that is hard. How will I ever see my true self if I don’t take the time to work through the painful things that are standing in the way? Stripping away is painful, but I would rather get it over with now than just have to deal with it later. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to see Christ’s face and revel in the good, the bad and the ugly of who I am. I want to work through the hurt so I can be closer to God and closer to the person he has made me to be. Im not going to lie: it hurts. It can be so painful at times that you don’t even want to get up in the morning because you know it is just going to be another day full of pain and heartache. But, sometimes you have to clean away the dirt in order to see the jewel underneath it all. Sometimes that means Christ is going to hold you close to the fire until He is finished refining you. It isn’t fun, but it is a process that God is using in my life right now.

I wish I knew when the hurt was going to stop and when the lessons were going to end, but I don’t. Im still trying to sort through everything He is showing me right now. Even though I wish I could just skip to the end of the lesson, Im trying to take each day and get through each growing pain so I don’t miss what He is trying to show me. I don’t want to prolong the lesson. I just want to learn it and apply it and become the woman God wants me to be even if it hurts in the process.

For His Glory,

Caroline 🙂

Ps. 56:3