Through this time God has taught me so much about myself. He has shown me who I am in Him. No one can ever take that away. He has shown me there is truly more to this life than we can see, and if we are living for anything else we will just be disappointed. He has to be everything. He has brought me to points where I came to the end of myself and all I had was Him. There were times where I didn't think it could get worse, and it did...and He was faithful. He gave me strength I didn't know I could have. He showed me what true beauty is and it is found in the eyes of those that everyone else has forgotten. It is found in the places where no one wants to go and in the people that no one else wants to love. He has shown me my passion and the reason I was put on this earth. My passion is ministry. My passion is to pour everything I have into young woman...to teach them what it means to be true women of God...to show them there is more to this life than what we see and there worth is not found in what people say but rather in what the King of all Kings says. I love it. I love every bit of it. I love crying with them. I love seeing their victories. I love laughing with them. I love walking out life with them...the good and the bad. I just love them...all of it. I will never be the same. I have found my passion, and I don't believe I will ever be satisfied doing less than that.

I have seen more death than ever in my entire life. I have seen more hurt than ever before. I have seen suffering and desperation. But I have also seen victories. I have seen laughter through the pain and joy through the sorrow. I have seen people love without need of return. I have seen selflessness. I have seen Jesus on earth through the hands of His Beloved. And most of all, I have seen faith when there seemed like there was nothing to have faith in. All the people that have shown me these things have inspired me, and I can never be the same. I shouldn't be. I can't and I don't want to.

I am now back in Alabama. As I write this, I realize that I don't fit in this world anymore. I am back at the University of Alabama pursuing a Master's degree in Counseling. I have felt the Lord's leading that this is the next step to take in my long-term service of Him. I pursued it, and He provided as only He could. As I sit here though, a few months into this new transition, I realize that I no longer can blend in no matter how much I try. I am not the same person that I was when I was here for undergrad. I am completely different because of all of the things I have mentioned above, and even if I wanted to fit in...I couldn't. You can't experience all of those things and be the same person. You can't carry a larger cross and then ask for the smaller one back. It doesn't work that way. He has made me for more, whether I want to or not I can not back down from that. He has set me apart for His glory.

I would be lying if I didn't say this transition has been hard. Going from community and full-time ministry to a place where I know few people and study all the time is extremely hard. But I trust through it all that God is in control. He is the same God that showed up when I had nothing left to give after all the hardships in Swaziland, and I am trusting He will be faithful once again. I don't know what He has for my future, but I know this passion He has given me for people and ministry will be a part of it. People have asked me if I will ever do missions again and my response to that is: There is no way I can not do missions. As Christians, we are all called to do missions whether in the US or abroad. It is a passion and a calling and Lord willing I will have future opportunities to serve Him in that capacity. People also ask me whether or not I will return to Africa. My answer is the same: I can't imagine not going back...it is my heart. I wouldn't know what to do if I never got to go back. So, I pray that God will give me that opportunity again in His timing. In the meantime, the faces of the people I have met there are burned upon my mind and my heart, and I will continue to keep in touch with them as much as I can.

I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to follow my journey and support me monetarily, in prayer and in encouragement. I cannot express how vital that has been to me, and how God has used all of you in my life. I also want to say to the special people I have met at training camps and to my Swazi teams how much I love each of you. You have each individually changed my life, and I can never express how much I love you. I have learned through my teams what it means to truly love with every ounce of my heart and for that I am truly grateful. Please continue to pray for me as I seek the Lord through this tough transition of going back to school and in my future ministry. I trust God has great plans for me and as I walk this out I know I am going to see His glory in new ways. Thank you, I love you all and we will be seeing you soon! God Bless!

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations."- Matthew 12:18 

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it."- 1 Corinthians 12:26-27 

After four months of living in Swaziland, Africa I am now back in America. The transition after a mission trip, especially after being gone for that long is always really hard. A lot of things have been going through my mind over the past week, but the main thing on my mind pretty much 24 hours a day is my team. We were involved in many different ministries while in Swazi, but my main time was spent with my team.

When I first came on this trip I already knew the members of my team because I met them last semester during the time I spent in Jefferys Bay. I got to know a couple of them pretty well, and I really liked the group as a whole. My affection for them was the main reason I decided to go back to Swaziland, but I had no idea how God was going to use them in my life. This team is nothing short of amazing. I have always heard soldiers say that once you have gone through war together, nothing can separate the bond they have together. Well, I'm here to tell you that this team has gone through war together. We have been through hurt, disappointments, robberies, illness, broken relationships, loss of teammates, deaths of loved ones and the list could go on. If I took the time to truly list out everything this team has gone though in the last 4 months, your jaw would drop and you wouldn't even know what to say. But, I'm not going to list everything out because I don't want to focus on the tuff things...I want to focus on what God did through them. This team didn't just survive through these trials, they came out stronger. In my entire life, I have never seen God redeem like He has in the past 4 months. He has taken ashes and made them beautiful. He has taken people who didn't know if they could make it through and made them weapons for Him. Satan threw punch after punch and this team didn't stay down. This is a team of fighters. This is a team that didn't just take every punch on the chin, but instead they went to the Lord and allowed Him to be their strength. I have honestly never seen a team go through this much and actually leave stronger and closer to the Lord. I have never been prouder of a group than I am of this one.

"All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized byone Spirit into one body-whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free-and we were all given the one Spirit to drink."- 1 Corinthians 12:11-13

It is clear that God hand-picked each person specifically to be on this team. We all are very different in yet got along in a way that only God could create. Davie makes me laugh. He hides behind his tough male exterior but inside he is someone who has learned how to love. Blair is the studier. He is one that digs in and spends as much time in the Word as he possibly can. Ryan is the calm one. He is the comforter and protector and has become a man in love with the Lord. Alyssa is strong. She loves people and is a servant in ministry. Gail is a voice of reason. She is the young one with wisdom beyond her years. Jillian is the tiny one in size. She is also the one with one of the biggest hearts for people that I have ever seen. She gives everything she has. Mary is the rock. No matter what happens she goes to the Lord for her strength. She is also the encourager and knows exactly what people need when they need it. Alene is the picture of kindness. She has a light about her that is evident and makes everyone around her smile. Layne is our resident movie expert. She knows how to relate to people. She may be hard-core on the outside, but her inside is kind and beautiful. Sarah Taylor is our trickster and the one we can always look to for a laugh. She is also a person full of compassion and love for those most people don't even recognize. Sarah Keppinger is one of the sweetest girls you will meet. She has innocence about her but is never one to be underestimated. She is led by the Spirit more than she even knows. Jess is a fighter. She has found a new faith that she never knew she could have and isn't willing to settle for less than that any longer in her life. Loretta is the mature one of the group. She is the sound mind that everyone listens to and she is obedient to the Lord no matter what. Tyler is the sarcastic one. He makes everyone think and dig deeper. Melissa is the goofy one. She is awkward and fun and always can make you smile. Issy is the servant. She is always willing to help without complaining and has an amazing joy about her. Matt is crazy in a good way. He is ok with being his own person and makes everyone around him enjoy life a little bit more. I could go on and on but there are really no words to describe each person on this team. I have seen each person grow into the man and woman of God they were meant to be and the best part is that they aren't done growing yet. They aren't satisfied with where they are at...they want more. They want more of God and they want more out of this life. They are not satisfied with mediocre Christianity. They are going home as new people and that is only by the grace of God.

I have always heard about community and at certain times in my life I thought I understood what that meant, but I have never known community like I have the last 4 months. We have fought for one another. We have prayed diligently for one another. We have cried with each other, laughed with each other and sometimes sat quietly together just "being." We have been through hell and back and we love each other more than we could have ever expected to or asked for. Saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest things to do. I have a glimpse of what parents must feel like when they send their kids off to college or see them get married. I feel like I have given them everything I have to give and to see them all walk away with a piece of my heart was painful. I wouldn't have it any other way though. If I have learned anything on this trip it is that life is short and we may not have tomorrow. I have learned to love wholly and lay it all out there because you may not have another chance. Live with no regrets. This team went from being a team to being my family. I love each of them intensely and would do anything for them. I hope that we will not be a team that just "talks the talk" but instead follows through. I hope we will be at each other's weddings. I hope that we will have reunions and be there in the good and the bad...the way true community is supposed to be. I don't believe that ends with distance, and I hope this team defies the penalty of time. If any team is going to last...it is this one.

Thank you for following this journey God has taken me on over the last four months. A new journey now begins...

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

For the last 4 months I have been spending my Wednesday mornings at the youth center here in Manzini. Myself and 2 of the girls on my team work with 8 women who spend their days at the youth center making clay jewelry. Businesses purchase the products in mass amounts and the women are paid for their work. Along with getting paid, they are also learning a valuable craft which they can use to make money for their family outside of this job. We have fallen in love with these women and my heart has truly been broken for them. They are all different ages and have different personalities but they have taken us in as their own. We laugh as we sit and make buttons with them and learn about their lives.

Over the past couple of months God has really been bringing to my awareness all that women go through here. The culture is so different than in non-third world countries. Women here are not treated with respect at all. They are treated as less than men and have no voice of their own. The men here beat the women on a regular basis. It is more abnormal for a man not to beat his wife that vise versa. The women here have very few ways to make money on their own so they depend on the men to provide for their family. Because the women are dependant on the men, the men therefore think that they can make the women do whatever they want. You are considered as less of a man if you treat a woman with respect.

Last month a woman from England came in to speak to the women about women's rights. This in itself is a whole new concept for most of the women here. They have been raised to think they have no rights. The topic of the day was violence against women. The speaker asked the women to name some of the ways men can show violence towards women. As I sat there listening to the women talk my heart started to ache. The first thing that came up was marital rape. The women here don't feel like they have the choice to say no and therefore are physically forced many times against their will. They are beat many times for no reason. One woman that we are very close to said her husband used to beat her before he left her and she didn't seem to think anything was wrong with it. Another lady said that her husband took the scarf off of her head one day and tied it around her neck and tried to strangle her. My heart started to break. The speaker asked if the women had been told that they were rubbish and worthless by their man and they all said yes. She asked if anyone's man was not faithful to them and their response was that it was impossible to find a faithful man here. Their husbands would marry them and then within 5 years would have another younger and prettier wife. Some even said that the man would bring their new girlfriend over to the house and use the girlfriend to disrespect his wife in front of her. My heart broke a little more. The speaker asked if there were any places the women could go for help and they said that the few women who have had the courage to ask for help have only ended up with worse consequences. Their husbands just beat them more. By this time they have 5-10 children and are scared to leave because they will have no way to support the kids. Then I thought about the beautiful children of this country. They have some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen and to think that the children have to witness all of this just killed me and my heart broke even more. I looked at the gorgeous women sitting around the table that have been abused and told they are trash and my heart screamed for them. Even more than hurt I started to get angry. I want to fight for them. I want them to know that they are not worthless and they do have a voice. I want them to know love how God intended it and how they are being treated is not ok. 

This past Wednesday was our last day with these women. We brought cookies shaped like buttons and other snacks and had a really sweet time of showing them how much we love them. I can't believe I have spent 4 months with them. In a way it feels like a flash of light. I can't believe it is already gone. I will never forget these women. They mean so much to me and I truly love them.

It is hard to change a culture. It seems so simple to us because we aren't fighting against a cultural norm that says all of this is acceptable and even condoned. It is going to have to start with the children and teaching men that being strong isn't about showing power over their wives. It's about showing strength through love. I don't know how long it will take but that is my prayer for this country. I want to see the men here step up and treat women with respect. I want the women to know that they deserve to have a love like God intended which is pure and kind. I want the children to know that a family should be a dad and mother who love each other and where physical violence isn't an option. I want the people of this country to experience what true romance is which can only be found with God. I pray that in the last 4 months, the women here have gotten a glimpse of what it means to respect themselves and not have to settle for less than the best. I'm thankful for every day I have been able to spend with them. I have been truly blessed.

 

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Five years ago I set out on a journey to a place that ended up changing my life. This place is Kenya. I went in 2004 and 2005 for short-term mission projects. In the process I fell in love with the country and its people. Even more than that, God used those trips to break my heart for the nations and ended up being instrumental in sending me into full-time mission work.

After the second trip, the main thing I remember thinking was that I couldn't just go back to "normal" life. I couldn't act like everything and everyone I had just seen didn't exist once I was back in America. I like to say that it "ruined" me in the best way, and I haven't been the same since. Ever since my trip in 2005, I have been begging the Lord to provide a way for me to go back. For the past 4 years I have been writing many of the people that I met on my first two trips, and there is not a day that I haven't thought of them. Well, 2 weeks ago God finally answered my prayer.

The week of March 14th my entire team was off for spring break. When I found out we were able to get a week break, the first thing I thought about was Kenya. I knew it was an expensive ticket though and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go. Well, God provided and worked everything out perfectly and I boarded a plane to Nairobi last Saturday. I was so busy the week prior I didn't have time to really process the whole thing. It was as if it was a dream and wasn't really happening. I had wanted to go back for so long that I had no idea how I was going to react when I finally got there. When I landed in Nairobi it instantly felt like home. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I knew this was the place I had once left my heart.

I ended up missing my flight the next day because it left early (apparently that can happen in Africa) so I just took the day to rest which was a blessing. Then on Monday I caught a flight north to Kitale to spend the rest of my time with the people I love so very much at Legacy School. The school had 400 students the first time I went there and now has over 900 from K-4 through 8^th grade. Many of the people there remembered me and it was wonderful getting to see some of the children that I have been writing to all of this time. I just felt so blessed to be there and truly as if I was at home. I spent every day sitting in classes with the students, playing games with them after school and I even got to go on a field trip with one of the 2^nd grade classes.  I also was invited to the house of one of the students I have been writing over the years. She was very vague in what we would be doing, but I thought it would be an adventure if nothing else. She said we would be taking a taxi to her house because it was too far to walk. I soon found out that "taxi" in Kenya doesn't mean a yellow car but instead means a bike with a little seat over the back wheel. Imagine me sitting on the back of a bike while wearing a skirt and carrying a bag trying to hold on for dear life as the man cycled us up the hill and over potholes. Needless to say it was pretty funny. We ended up having lunch with her family and it allowed me to see a glimpse of where she comes from.

By the end of the week I had once again become attached to so many of the students and the staff. Leaving was torturous and heartbreaking. We took lots of pictures and exchanged addresses. I thought I was holding it together pretty well until I saw some of the people I was closest to and it finally hit me that I was leaving. The tears started to flow as all the students stood there looking at me. Leaving a place and people that I love so much never gets easier; it only gets harder. I started thinking why I was reacting so strongly. The last two times I left I was sad but not like this. And then I realized that I was coming this time as a different person. I had come as a person who finally knew how to really love people and let them in; to love people enough that I have given my life to it. I had come as someone broken before the Lord and perfectly content in that. It wasn't the same this time because I'm not the same. These people are my family and leaving them is like ripping out a piece of my heart. I am blessed to know the people in Kitale, Kenya and to have them in my life and for that the pain is worth it. I will continue to keep in touch and love them from across the ocean. And I will keep praying that in the near future God will allow me to visit them once again.

 

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

 

 

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."-I Peter 5: 8-9

A couple of weeks ago we went to the Mbabane Public Hospital to spend the day blessing the patients there. It was the first time I had been back there since July. Before we walked in I asked the Lord to break my heart for these people and give me the strength to get through it. As I walked through the front doors everything started to look familiar. Something in me started recalling all that I had seen there this past summer and I froze. Tears started welling up in my eyes. As the rest of the team walked in with purpose I just stood their trying to figure out what to do. Finally I just pulled myself towards the children's ward and thought I would start there. I stood outside the rooms staring in the windows praying for what the Lord wanted me to do. I just felt so out of place and uncomfortable. I remembered the small boy I had seen in July that was abandoned and body was swollen from malnourishment. He wasn't there. I started to wonder if he had survived or not. I stood there trying to figure out what to do. I decided to head to the women's ward. As I walked in I remembered the women I had prayed for and the attack I felt as I almost passed out on the floor. It was so surreal. I started praying that God would help me and show me what He wanted me to do there.

As I walked through the women's ward looking at the skinny women who were lying sick in the hospital beds, this one woman saw me and her face lit up with a huge smile as if we were long lost friends. I went up to her and started talking to her. She was recovering from a stroke. I talked to her for a while and prayed for her. I was encouraged after speaking to her and all of a sudden my heart was at peace with being there. I prayed for another lady in the ward and then felt led to head back to the children's ward. As I looked through the windows my heart broke for these kids. They all seemed so helpless and many were on their death beds. I saw this one little girl whose head was enlarged and wrapped in bandages. I walked into see her and met her grandmother who was sitting with her. The grandmother spoke fairly good English and explained to me that the child had huge warts on her head that were causing her head to swell. She had them removed and some sort of tube was put in from her head down through her chest to help with the fluid. She went on to tell me that the child's mother had abandoned her when she saw that the child was born with this disorder and she never knew the father. The grandmother took her and her brother in and now is taking care of 10 kids alone. We talked for a while and I found out she was a Jehovah Witness. We spoke some about what she believed compared it to the truths of the Bible. She asked me to come back the next week when she could be more prepared. At the time we had no transportation because our van was broke. I told her I would try but knew the possibility was slim since I would have no way to get there. I prayed for her and her granddaughter and told her goodbye.

As I walked out of the hospital I was so convicted for this woman and the opportunity that the Lord had set before me. The next week came and I still had no transportation. I decided to take one of my team members with me and we headed back to Mbabane on public transportation. I was praying that the woman would still be there. We got to the hospital and sure enough she was still there. The bandage had been removed from her granddaughter's head and they were leaving the next day to go home. She smiled in shock as I walked in. She said that she didn't think I would come back. It hurt me to hear that because so many times it is easy to forget the people we meet. I told her that I was thankful I was able to and I wanted to speak to her more about heaven and the Bible. I sat with her on the floor next to her granddaughter's bed. We sat and talked for about an hour. She had great questions and was a woman who truly just wanted to know and understand the truth. You could see the hunger in her to know more. By the end of our conversation she said that she wanted me to write down all of the verses that I had read so she could go and study them and truly understand. I was excited because God just spoke His words through me when I didn't always know what to say. As I sat there on the floor with her I started taking it all in. I looked around at the paint coming off the walls, the dirty counters and the small roaches that crawled all around us. All I kept getting was that this was what it was all about. This is where Jesus would be. Normally roaches bother me and I really dislike insects but for that hour it really didn't bother me. God gave me the strength I needed. I left the verses with her as well as a prayer of salvation for her when she was ready. She asked me to leave my phone number so she could call me with questions. I was excited at the prospect of hearing from her again. We prayed and I left to head back to Manzini. I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness.

As I got off the bus we were walking through the traffic headed towards home and all of a sudden I feel this man grab me and start hanging on my back. I could tell he was ripping open my backpack. I turned and grabbed his arm and yelled at him to stop. I looked in his hand and didn't see anything so I let him go. He looked me dead in the eye and walked off. It gave me chills all over my body. I then turned to look in my bag and realized that he had stolen my phone. I tried to go after him but he had already disappeared into the crowd. I just stood there not knowing what to do and then it hit me that he had just taken the number that I had given this woman that I had spent the whole morning witnessing to. She now had no way to contact me. Not only did I feel violated but my heart was broken that I had no way to contact her. The rest of the day was pretty hard. I kept going through my mind of how I could have changed the situation or gotten my phone back. Thinking back through I realized how much worse it could have been because my wallet and ipod were right under my phone. If I wouldn't have grabbed his arm he probably would have gotten those as well. He also could have hurt me worse. It was blatantly clear to me that Satan had used that man that day. It was as if I had seen Satan in the flesh. Satan's biggest fear is that more people will come to know Christ. Because of this, he is going to do anything he can to stop it. I have to trust that God is bigger than all of that and that His word does not return void. I know God is going to use the verses that were shared to speak truth into her life and hopefully she will come to know Him as her Savior.

Through this entire thing God has shown me how important it is to know and share His Word. I want people to know that they can have hope. This world is not all that there is. God has more waiting for those who accept Him and give their lives to Him. When I was younger I always used to think that if I gave my life to God that I wouldn't have fun anymore and life would be boring and torturous. What I now realize is that true freedom in this life can't come until we give our lives to Him. That is what we were created for so until we hand the reigns of our life over to Him, we will always be living a life that is not completely full.

God is working here in Swaziland. Thank you all for your prayers. I feel prayers more tangibly here than ever in my entire life. God has healed the fungus on my hand and my tooth is getting better. God is stretching me every day, but I know it is for His greater plan so I will keep fighting the fight. Keep the prayers coming. Love to you all from the Kingdom of Swazi.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

This Saturday I turn 28 years old. I know I say this every year, but I just can't believe it. I used to think that was old and now I realize that I still feel like I am 21. In America there is nothing really abnormal about turning 28. You get the occasional jokes about how old you're getting because you are only 2 years away from turning 30, but other than that there is nothing all that special about it. Well, in Swaziland it is a different story. Here in Swaziland, the average life span is 28.1. This basically means that if you make it to the age of 28 you are one of the lucky ones. Many will never see this age. To them 28 is like 100 years old to us. It is a hope, not a certainty.

A little over a week ago we were able to visit an area here in Swaziland called Nsoko. This is an area where you can find some of the poorest people in the country. Many children can go days without food and if they are able to get food it is only through the local care points where they will find it. Many are dying of AIDS and don't know what a real family unit looks like. Many of the young girls will sell their bodies just to be able to eat for a meal. The people here, as in most of Swaziland, are desperate and will do desperate things to survive. I think of the wonderful childhood that I experienced and how none of these kids will ever have that or anything close. It absolutely breaks me heart. I want more for them and I don't even know them.

The population of Swaziland has decreased dramatically in the past year. This means that more people have to be dying than being born. If you come here, the fact that more people are dying than being born is almost unbelievable because there are children everywhere you look. I have never seen so many children. So, just imagine how many people must be dying. A local Pastor told us that he has to find other people who can conduct funerals for him because there are just too many people dying and he can't do all the funerals himself. AIDS is killing this country and they don't even know it. When the younger generation is told this horrifying fact, they think it is a joke. They can't understand how sex is killing them. A large cause of the disbelief is because the King of this monarchy continues to marry wife after wife. He is their example and it is only time before his lifestyle will kill him as well. It is a social and cultural problem that must be stopped otherwise the whole country will be gone in our lifetime.

The hand I hold in this picture is the hand of a child suffering from AIDS. Last Friday we went to build a fence and garden for a lovely woman named Make (Mother) Peggy. She is a single woman who takes in children that have been abandoned or orphaned by their parents and are knocking on death's doorstep. She has 10 children who live with her currently. Make Peggy is a retired teacher so she barely brings in any money herself. With the money she does have she provides clothes, food and shelter for these orphans. I was sitting with her helping create profiles for each child in hope that people will choose a child to support. As I was listening to each child's story, all I kept hearing was how each child has was abandoned and left for dead by their parents or that their parents were dead (most likely from AIDS or other health issues). Then one story really struck me. This beautiful little boy walked in the room looking a little shy and confused at who the white people were. Make Peggy called him over, told us his name and said that he had AIDS. Im not sure what happened, but I just started crying. I had to hold the tears back because I didn't want him to feel bad. I think the reality of it just finally hit me. We know the stats. We know that many children we see here have lost their innocence to rape, have AIDS or have seen their family members die already in their lifetime, but I guess hearing his story just finally made it real to me. His parents are both dead and he has most likely had AIDS since he was born. He never had a chance, and the odds of him living to be my age is slim to none. Every time I look at him my heart breaks. It just doesn't seem fair. He did nothing to deserve it in yet it is most likely what will take his life.

Where do we find the hope in these stories? Honestly, it is hard to many times. But, I feel like there can be hope. My team wants to see change here in Swaziland. They are not ok to sit back and watch this country waste away. The guys on our team have been handed over the rights to a boys high school here in Manzini where they can teach about God and pretty much do whatever they want to. God has opened to doors wide open for them. The opportunity is amazing and the possibilities are endless. Change starts with this generation. Not just to teach them purity, but to teach them self-respect and what it means to truly have Christ change their lives from the inside out. I can't wait to see how God is going to use this team to change lives and even a country.

In the meantime, we will love them. We will love the children who have no parents, who have become numb to the sting of death and we will be Christ's touch to them. We will hold the hand of the AIDS stricken orphan whose only prayer is to be healthy again. We will show them that they are worth it and they have not been forgotten. All I know is that I will never take for granted the little things ever again. I pray that God uses us in big ways over the next 3 months and that I never take for granted each year that I get older because for most here in Swaziland it is their last.

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Hello to all from Swaziland. I have wanted to write a blog since I got here, but honestly I haven't known what to write. I have only been here for 2 weeks in yet it feels like so much longer. It was great being reunited with the team and seeing all that God has been doing in their lives. When I arrived we were able to put together a ministry schedule for the team to give them some consistency for each day. Everyone is really excited to be here and I can see God giving them a heart for the Kingdom of Swaziland as they jump into their individual ministries.

Personally, I have had a lot of challenges since arriving here. Within the first couple of days, I somehow got a poison/fungus type rash on my hand. Some people think it is from picking some mangos in our yard and others just don't know what it is, but either way it has been a challenge. I am highly allergic to poison ivy or anything related to that so needless to say I have been extremely nervous about having this on my hand. I went to the pharmacy and got some mysterious pills and ointment for it. I thought it was getting better but it looks like it may be spreading to my arm. It is painful and making it hard to move my fingers. The heat here probably isn't helping. It has been getting up way past 100 degrees and feels like you are living in a sauna 24 hours a day. Every day that it is overcast is a complete blessing. I'm doing my best to put mind of matter and not let it bother me but the fear of the rash getting worse is very real. Also, my tooth is still hurting after getting a root canal before I came on this trip. I'm praying for healing because the dentists here aren't exactly where one wants to go if they don't have to.

More than the physical, God has really been using circumstances here to stretch me in ways I have never known. He is stretching me to the point where there is pain. I can recognize some as attacks from the enemy, but others I can see clearly as God testing me and breaking me. That is really all I know at this point. I don't know why He is allowing some things to happen or why He is allowing me to be so uncomfortable, but I believe that in time I will see the reasons behind it. I relate it to growing pains. The more you grow the more it hurts but there is a reason for it and it is very necessary to live a full life. A dear friend told me a few months ago that as he was praying for me God told Him that He was going to stretch me like never before. Well, that has become a reality and I'm doing my best to hold strong.

On another note, it has been such a blessing to see friends again that I made this past summer. I have been able to spend some time with Musa and Xolani (our translators from this past July) and they have kept me smiling. I feel like they are my brothers and it is hard to stay discouraged when I see them. We also had the opportunity to return to the Abandoned Children's Shelter (which is one of my favorite places in Swaziland). We spent a day there last Friday loving on the kids and one of the house mothers remembered me. It was great to see her smile and get to laugh and talk with her again. My heart longs to continue to build relationships here. On Wednesdays I plan to go with some of the girls to the youth center where they have a program to teach crafts to Swazi women. They make jewelry and buttons out of clay as well as weaving purses. They get paid for their work, while getting to learn a skill to use in the future. There is a woman named Christina there that I have started to get to know. She is 28 and has 2 children the oldest of which is 13 years old. She lives with her 3 sisters and 1 brother. She has such a sweet smile and joy for life. It has been encouraging to just sit and talk with her and learn about her life.

Swaziland is a hard place to live out every day life. You see hurt and brokenness everywhere you go, but I can see hope in the people here. It is my prayer that the people here will not just know of who God is, but will start to have an active relationship with Him. My team's heart is to see this upcoming generation take a stand and stop the cycle of AIDS that is killing this country.

I really appreciate everyone's prayers. I truly believe your prayers are getting me through this time. I would appreciate your prayers for healing for my rash and tooth and that God would keep me healthy so I can best serve Him. Please also pray that God will allow relationships to be built with the people here and that He would be glorified in those relationships. Please keep the encouragement coming...you all are a blessing to me!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it has been so long since my last blog. Time has completely run away without me recently. I look back and I can't believe I was in J-Bay for 6 weeks. Once I finally got oriented and on a schedule the time just flew by. Jeffreys Bay was amazing. Honestly, I wasn't ready to come home. It is so gorgeous there and an enjoyable place to live. It was a blessing to see the relationships I was able to build in the communities we visited and with members of the team. It is neat when you get to the place where people in the community know your name and look forward to seeing you every day. Every Monday I would drive a group to Port Elizabeth to visit the Algoa Center for those suffering from cerebral palsy (as mentioned in the previous blog). I only was able to go a couple of times, but the people there left a lasting impact on me and taught me how much I tend to take for granted. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I would help the J-Bay staff run errands and whatever else was needed around town. On Thursdays I would drive one team to Humansdorp to work at a daycare run by a sweet lady named Virginia. I would then drop another team off in St. Francis to visit different families in that area. I usually spent most of my time with the team in St. Francis but also enjoyed the time I spent at Virginia's. On Friday I would spend the day with the team in St. Francis. Although driving on the opposite side of the road was somewhat daunting at first, I actually ended up enjoying it and was blessed to be able to help the team in that way. It was great ministering to the people in all of these cities and building relationships with the team members in the process.

The team of 50 is now breaking up into 3 different groups. From January to May, there will be a group in J-Bay, Port Elizabeth and Swaziland. I found out right before I left for J-Bay in November that they wanted me to lead the group going to Swaziland in January. Honestly, I didn't really want to go. The idea of being gone to a place as hard as Swaziland for 5 months was not something that I really wanted to do. I told them I would pray about it and knew the decision was too big to not cover it in prayer. So, throughout my whole time in J-Bay I prayed and thought about whether or not I should lead this trip. I struggled to find an answer and peace from the Lord. I just didn't know what to do because if I decided to go to Swazi I would be giving up so many things at home that were important to me such as missing two of my best friend's weddings. Selfishly, I didn't want to do it. It would be giving up too much. Part of me felt like I was supposed to go, but I fought it tooth and nail because I didn't want to be away for that long. It is abnormal to know going into a situation that it is going to be really hard and saying "Sign me up!" The fear of being lonely, being away from my dog for so long, being forgotten by those at home, having life pass me by and missing so many things that are dear to my heart were just too much for me. I didn't want to do it. But, I felt my heart continually being pulled that this was what I was supposed to do. I started getting to know the people who are on the Swazi team and could see that I fit on that team very easily. They are amazing and some of the girls I got the closest to during this time are on the Swazi team. I have been friends with the male leader of the team, Matt since this summer and his desire to have me lead with him was such an encouragement. It actually became somewhat humorous because literally a day did not go by that I wasn't asked if I was going with them to Swazi. The team rallied around me and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Still, I struggled with giving up so many things to do this.

Then, when I was in St. Francis one day for ministry something changed for me. To give a little back story, when I was in Swazi this past summer one day in church our translator, Musa decided he would nickname me "Carrots" in front of the entire church and somehow the name stuck. My whole team started calling me "Mama Carrots" and still does to this day. I never really understood where the name came from since I don't have red hair, but it always gave everyone a good laugh so I didn't mind. Well, fast forward to the ministry in St. Francis. I had been struggling with this decision and begging God to speak to me and show me what to do. We were visiting some people in the community and as usual a ton of kids ran up to the van as soon as we got there. We played a little bit and then one child asked me what my name was. I said "Caroline" and he looked me dead in the eye and said "Carrots!" My jaw dropped to the ground. One of the girls on the team knew the story and died out laughing. We couldn't believe it. I just stood there looking stunned. That's when something changed. I can't even explain it, but it was like I was reminded of what it is all about. It isn't about me or what I want. It is what God wants me to do. It was as if God used that child to speak to me and remind me of the heart he has given me. It of course became the topic of many conversations when we got back to J-Bay.

To make the decision harder, a couple of days later I found out that I would have the opportunity to lead a trip to Kenya in the summer if I wanted. I was completely torn. I have been trying to get back to Kenya for 3 years and I finally had my chance. What on earth was I supposed to do? How much was I really supposed to give up? In the weeks to follow all I could hear God saying is that I had to stop being so selfish. If I give Him my life and say I will do whatever He wants for my life, than I don't get to pick and choose only the ministries that fit into my agenda. I had to hand it over and if that meant going into a hard situation to serve Him than that is what I was going to have to do. I couldn't hold on to anything. It keeps going back to the question: "Is He really worth it?" Is He worth giving up my comfort? Is He worth giving up the people and things that are most important to me in this life? Is He worth giving up my deepest wants and desires? Honestly, I struggled with these questions and still do. I think we would all want to say "yes" but if we are honest I don't know that we could always say "yes." After praying and spending so much time with the team, I realized that I just needed to get over my selfishness and go to Swazi. Now that I am home I am still having a hard time letting go, but I am going to do it anyway. I have to believe that the blessings will outweigh the sacrifices. I'm taking one of the hardest leaps of faith I have ever taken but I'm not turning back. I will be discipling 6 girls on the team, and I pray that God will use me in their lives. I know I will have my moments on this trip where I will want to quit and go home, but I pray in these times that God will meet me where I am and show His faithfulness in a big way. I honestly have no idea what God has in store, but I know it must be something great. I will be heading back to Georgia in the next couple of days, packing up my house and then heading to Swazi the week of Jan. 12. When I book my plane ticket I will let everyone know the exact date and the address where I will be staying. I hope everyone reading this is greatly blessed in 2009 and I am thankful for having each one of you walking through this journey with me. You are a blessing!

For His Glory,

Caroline :)

Ps. 56:3