This blog has been a long time coming. Honestly, I wanted to write it sooner but really haven’t known what to write. How do I sum up these last two years in one blog? I have no idea how to express everything that I have experienced or all of the amazing things that God has taught me. The best I can do is just to say that these last two years have been the hardest and most stretching years of my life. They have also been two of the best years of my life. I can say without hesitation that I am a different person than I was when I started this journey. I feel like I have experienced so many things that I cannot even begin to put into words. I have seen heartache and acts of kindness. I have seen discouragement and victory. I have seen people come alive for the first time in their entire lives, and I have seen God show up in times where there seemed to be no redemption. I have seen His faithfulness when I wondered if He was even still there. I have heard people who speak all different languages sing at the top of their lungs praises to the King as if we were already in Heaven viewing His beautiful face. I have seen kids with no parents smile with the joy of just being alive, and I have realized that the simple things in life really are the things of value. I have sat in dirt with orphans, in hospitals with the forgotten and spent evenings pouring into the next generation of young people who are going to change this world for His glory. And the beautiful part about all of this is that all of these things had absolutely nothing to do with me…nothing at all. The fact that God chose me and allowed me to be a part of any of these things in more of a blessing than I can even truly understand. I have been eternally impacted and for that I will be forever grateful.
Through this time God has taught me so much about myself. He has shown me who I am in Him. No one can ever take that away. He has shown me there is truly more to this life than we can see, and if we are living for anything else we will just be disappointed. He has to be everything. He has brought me to points where I came to the end of myself and all I had was Him. There were times where I didn’t think it could get worse, and it did…and He was faithful. He gave me strength I didn’t know I could have. He showed me what true beauty is and it is found in the eyes of those that everyone else has forgotten. It is found in the places where no one wants to go and in the people that no one else wants to love. He has shown me my passion and the reason I was put on this earth. My passion is ministry. My passion is to pour everything I have into young woman…to teach them what it means to be true women of God…to show them there is more to this life than what we see and there worth is not found in what people say but rather in what the King of all Kings says. I love it. I love every bit of it. I love crying with them. I love seeing their victories. I love laughing with them. I love walking out life with them…the good and the bad. I just love them…all of it. I will never be the same. I have found my passion, and I don’t believe I will ever be satisfied doing less than that.
I have seen more death than ever in my entire life. I have seen more hurt than ever before. I have seen suffering and desperation. But I have also seen victories. I have seen laughter through the pain and joy through the sorrow. I have seen people love without need of return. I have seen selflessness. I have seen Jesus on earth through the hands of His Beloved. And most of all, I have seen faith when there seemed like there was nothing to have faith in. All the people that have shown me these things have inspired me, and I can never be the same. I shouldn’t be. I can’t and I don’t want to.
I am now back in Alabama. As I write this, I realize that I don’t fit in this world anymore. I am back at the University of Alabama pursuing a Master’s degree in Counseling. I have felt the Lord’s leading that this is the next step to take in my long-term service of Him. I pursued it, and He provided as only He could. As I sit here though, a few months into this new transition, I realize that I no longer can blend in no matter how much I try. I am not the same person that I was when I was here for undergrad. I am completely different because of all of the things I have mentioned above, and even if I wanted to fit in…I couldn’t. You can’t experience all of those things and be the same person. You can’t carry a larger cross and then ask for the smaller one back. It doesn’t work that way. He has made me for more, whether I want to or not I can not back down from that. He has set me apart for His glory.
I would be lying if I didn’t say this transition has been hard. Going from community and full-time ministry to a place where I know few people and study all the time is extremely hard. But I trust through it all that God is in control. He is the same God that showed up when I had nothing left to give after all the hardships in Swaziland, and I am trusting He will be faithful once again. I don’t know what He has for my future, but I know this passion He has given me for people and ministry will be a part of it. People have asked me if I will ever do missions again and my response to that is: There is no way I can not do missions. As Christians, we are all called to do missions whether in the US or abroad. It is a passion and a calling and Lord willing I will have future opportunities to serve Him in that capacity. People also ask me whether or not I will return to Africa. My answer is the same: I can’t imagine not going back…it is my heart. I wouldn’t know what to do if I never got to go back. So, I pray that God will give me that opportunity again in His timing. In the meantime, the faces of the people I have met there are burned upon my mind and my heart, and I will continue to keep in touch with them as much as I can.
I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to follow my journey and support me monetarily, in prayer and in encouragement. I cannot express how vital that has been to me, and how God has used all of you in my life. I also want to say to the special people I have met at training camps and to my Swazi teams how much I love each of you. You have each individually changed my life, and I can never express how much I love you. I have learned through my teams what it means to truly love with every ounce of my heart and for that I am truly grateful. Please continue to pray for me as I seek the Lord through this tough transition of going back to school and in my future ministry. I trust God has great plans for me and as I walk this out I know I am going to see His glory in new ways. Thank you, I love you all and we will be seeing you soon! God Bless!
